Some of you might have noticed that my blog has been a little quiet over the past few days - the main reason for that is that I went out with my sister and my friend Amy on Saturday night and had a lovely time, but rather stupidly left my camera in my sisters bag!!
So without it I haven't been able to do any posts! :(
I am seeing my sister tomorrow though so normal blogging activity will resume!
Until then, I've been meaning to catch up on some tag posts and do this really fun 10 day challenge that I've been watching Louise at Confessions of A Secret Shopper do....so as I don't need a camera for these things, this is a great time to do them! :)
So, as you can see, the first challenge is to post up my....
1) I have real problems with anxiety and I suffer from really bad panic attacks
2) I think most of my anxiety comes from the fact that I have a distinct fear of death. The thought of it terrifies me and can make me have an all out panic attack if I think about it too deeply, which sucks because its the only thing in anybodys life that is 100% inevitable.
3) Moving on to a lighter subject, this is probably no real secret - but I struggle to control my spending! My mind is always telling me not to save for the future coz its not promised to anybody anyway.... (Possibly because of the above fear!)...and so I always end up splurging money. I have WAY too many clothes, too much make up and too many shoes!! Its ridiculous.
4) My other obsession which eats up chunks of my money is stationery! I am very into penpalling and I LOVE cute Kawaii & Sanrio stationery - and it doesn't really come cheap. I have a whole chest full of Hello Kitty lettersets, and I currently have around 20 penpals.
5)Speaking of penpals, I also have a couple of penpals in prison in the USA. This was something a friend of mine has done for years and I had often thought of doing it too, but I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it. I decided at the start of this year to give it a try and I'm so glad that I did. I have bonded with two people who are serving long sentences, and I feel good about extending the hand of friendship to them despite their circumstances. I find it very interesting to correspond with them.
6) I beleive in fairies. I know thats kind of lame for somebody my age, but I do - I think there are some mystical things in this world that aren't always visible to us but are very much around us.
7) Which leads me onto my next secret....I am very spiritual. I don't talk much about it incase it offends or freaks anybody out, but I sometimes attend a spiritualist church and I read tarot cards for fun and give psychic readings - I don't know where I get the information I give to people from, but I have never yet been told that anything was incorrect. It freaks me out a little as I honestly don't know how I know anything I tell them.
8)I am not very confident at all in my appearance, which is probably odd for a beauty blogger. I LOVE make up because it makes me feel a little better about myself, but I have so many insecurities and hang ups about myself. I hate smiling because my teeth are so ugly, I physically cannot leave the house without make up because I am worried that I will scare people and it takes me months to trust a boyfriend enough to let him see me without makeup.
9) I blame the above on the bullies I encountered at school. I changed schools often because I always ended up being picked on by bullies. They always made me feel like a freak and I always felt that I had no friends. They would always make fun of my appearance and say I was ugly, and that has always stayed with me. It still upsets me when I think about various times and things they said to me. What bugs me most is that now most of them are my "facebook friends" because they sent me friends requests...as if all of that never ever happened?!
10) Speaking of friends, I don't have many. I have always been jealous of people who have tons of friends and huge social circles. I have acquaintances, and If I have a party I can fill it up with people...but I don't feel that I have many true friends who I could trust with anything. Infact, I always feel that people use me a lot. The people who act like my friends tend to disappear until they want me for something or need something from me. I can count easily on one hand the number of people who ever call me and ask me how I am without wanting anything - and I'd have fingers left over.