Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: Friday Fives: Five Things NOT to say to a new Mum!

Friday, 16 August 2013

Friday Fives: Five Things NOT to say to a new Mum!

Any of my long term readers may remember that I blogged during my pregnancy about the Top 5 Things People Say To Pregnant Women That Bug Me....
 
 
Well I naively thought that once I'd given birth, all of those "Bite Your Tongue" moments would be well and truly behind me.....oh how wrong I was!
 
Little did I know that actually those comments do not disappear once you become a Mum - they actually worse! Both more frequent AND more annoying!
 
I's hard to narrow it down to a list of a mere 5 things that I have experienced people saying to me which have left me envisioning their bloody deaths Tom & Jerry-style in my mind (Ok, i'm exaggerating....a little) as there are so many to choose from - but these are the repeat offenders that seem to crop up most often - perhaps other, less badly tempered and more normal people wouldn't find them as irritating me - infact writing this list I have come to realise that I may perhaps just be a massive crank who will find fault with anything....but oh well, that's my prerogative! :)
 
My Top 5 Things NOT To Say To A New Mum
 
 
1. "Aww how lovely - is it a girl or a boy?"
 
Perhaps, with some babies, this comment could be forgiven.
Babies in black prams, wearing neutral colours - yes ok, it may be quite difficult to tell the gender and so therefore this is a valid question and a much better option than attempting to guess the gender and insulting the mother by being incorrect.
 
But I am afraid in my case, if you ask me this question - you are a moron. He is sitting in his BLUE lined pram, wearing one of his many BLUE outfits - and you ask me if he's a boy or a girl?!
 
Ok - perhaps some people like to dress their baby girls in blue, perhaps they'd put them in a baby blue pram - but how about when it happened with my niece....when a lady came up to coo over her, wearing her ultra frilly pink tutu and a massive pink flower hairband, sitting in her ultra pink frilly pram with bows all over it - and asked "Boy or girl?"....
 
REALLY?!!
 
 
2. "How are you finding it?" / "Do you like being a Mummy?"
 
 
 
It's amazing how often this question is asked of me, and of course I smile politely and say "Yes I'm really enjoying it, thank you"  - but the temptation to test them by saying "Oh I'm so glad you asked, I actually hate it - biggest mistake of my life - infact here you go, do you want him? No?! Can you point me in the direction of the nearest orphanage then?!" is massively overwhelming.
 
Of course its not true, but my god - wouldn't I LOVE to see somebodies face if met with that response?!
 
3. "Is he a good baby?"
 
 
 
What - apart from "Yes" - am I supposed to say to this?!
Who exactly - when asked this question by a perfect stranger - responds with anything else?!
Again, I'm often tempted to test people....I'd quite like to one day reply "Well, we're slightly concerned as we do keep finding bomb making kits and "How To Take Over The World Before Your First Birthday" books in his cot....but other than that, yeah he's pretty good...."
 
 
4. "Is he breastfed or bottle fed?"
 
 
 
Again, I am sure this doesn't bother other mothers but I just find it irritating. How does the way he's fed matter to you in any way?! Do I want your opinion or feedback on it? Nope! So why do you need to ask?!
If I responded with "He's bottle fed. Did you eat your dinner last night with a spoon or a knife and fork?" would you think I was odd?! Yep, I bet you would......
 
5. "Isn't he big?!"
 
 
 
Again, I may be the only mother that this bothers, but for some reason when people comment on my child being "big" I feel my defences go up and am suddenly compelled to tell them what weight percentile he's in and what clothing size he wears - for some reason, it just makes me think that they are saying he's fat!
 
 
So there you have it - let's be honest, I think we've learned more about me and my definite weirdness and over-snappiness than we have about the comments people make!
 
*Must make more effort to be a nicer, less snappy person*
 
What kinds of comments annoy you as a Mother? As always, I'd love to hear from you!

51 comments:

  1. Haha, all of these things have been said to me since having Tyler Lee! Annoying or what?! Everyone mistakes him for a girl, how is she is what I hear most often, he's wearning all blue for feck sake! Love these posts of yours Hayley :)

    Fiona @ dollydowsie.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww thanks Fiona! :) Lol, isn't it SO annoying! How could anybody mistake Tyler Lee for a girl?!

      xx

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Lol, you've never said any of these things to me! :P xxx

      Delete
  3. The paediatrician that discharged N from hospital said he was too pretty to be a boy, I was like "well there's his penis *points* sooo...." ;) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol!!! I've had the "Too pretty for a boy" comments too! lol xx

      Delete
  4. haha this post has made me laugh! typical questions for a mummy

    http://mummysbubba.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is phenomenally awesome! I agree with everything. You're really cool =)

    Carmen

    ReplyDelete
  6. You have me laughing out loud here! Please try number two the next time and report back for more hilarity :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol I'm glad you enjoyed it ... and I might just do that! ;) xx

      Delete
  7. LOL! You should definitely say no, and ask if they want him. Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You know some of these drive me mad too! I can't believe anyone would say Tyne is big though, he's a little squish!! I get "isn't she solid" about Isabelle, which drives me to insanity!! I feel like responding with "yes, she takes it after you." X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol I know - so you'd think it wouldn't bother me but it gets my back up every time lol. Ugh don't you hate words like "Solid" and "Bonny" - I can never decide if its code for something else! xxx

      Delete
  9. Ha! I love this, again I agree with every single point. I still get "isn't she a big girl?" One day I swear I'll snap and run around yelling "f*ck off, f*ck off!!!"

    I also hate that as soon as you have a child older than three months people start asking if you're planning more! So personal, so rude! I always want to say "And have you been bonking lately?" in response. Haven't plucked up the courage yet!!

    Kate xx
    Just Pirouette and Carry On...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL!! I'd love to see you do that Kate :P

      Ha!! I think I'm just starting to approach the stage where people are starting to ask - how fun!

      xxx

      Delete
  10. Ooo the first one reminds me of when I had Stacey! My dad's a chimney sweep and some guy called at the house to book an appointment. Stacey was in her moses basket dressed in a pink frilly dress, surrounded by pink flower arrangements and a balloon so massive with the words 'It's a Girl' on. And he had the nerve to ask if she was a boy or a girl!

    The big comment bugs me to. Yes, both of my children have grown at crazy rates but I don't understand why almost everyone we see has to comment on how big they are. Neither of them are fat, that's for sure but the way folk go off you'd think they were little sumo wrestlers or something "/

    Louise x

    Confessions of a Secret Shopper

    ReplyDelete
  11. Brilliant! When I had my little boy, everyone kept saying that he was too pretty to be a boy! Charming - what, are all boys meant to be ugly!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I know exactly what you mean! My 4 month old is 'big' but only compared to his elder brother! I wish people would stop comparing the two of them and telling me how heavy my baby is... He is 4 months old and in 3-6 months clothes, some still 0-3! Grrr

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are spot on with all of these. My little boy was nearly 10lb when he was born and I was constantly being told how 'huge' he was. People definitely need to consider others feelings more!

    Hele

    ReplyDelete
  14. I get the 'how are you finding it' question too. Irritates the hell out of me. I just go 'its fine' then change the subject. I don't know what they expect me to say.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm thinking that actually all of the above are simply 'opening lines' with which to start a conversation - nothing deeper than that. I think new mums and Dads can easily take offense or read things in that aren't there simply due to sleep deprivation.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I know exactly what you mean!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ha ha very true, especially the 'is he a good baby?' one :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  18. i find things people say and do before the baby is born just as bad
    'you are getting fat' when i am pregnant is a red rag to a bull with me its not fat its a baby growing !!!
    and there is the people who think they can come up and touch my bump who do they think they are i dont even know them a total stranger man handling me doesnt make me smile
    and the all annoying looking in the pram decked in pink with a baby dressed in pink 'is it a boy or girl' !!! so maddening lol

    ReplyDelete
  19. haha yes i would love to see peoples faces if u said something like that xx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Urgh I hate it when people ask stupid questions! I had Ted called a girl so many times too that grated on me!

    ReplyDelete
  21. The worst thing ever said to me was 'is she adopted' ...!!! because she looks nothing like me, but still a very insensitive thing to say :-)

    ReplyDelete
  22. i totally agree with ya on the things u say on this post

    ReplyDelete
  23. I can remember these very same things being said to me after having each of my three daughters over 25 years ago.

    I have never followed the "pink for a girl" rule and as I quite often dressed my girls in blue, because they had platinum blonde hair, blue eyes and it really suited them, people always said "What a lovely little boy".

    ReplyDelete
  24. Those are tooooooooooo funny!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Haha! Many recent memories came flooding back!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh my, some people can be so rude! Esp the too big comment!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Katie Walden Hall23 August 2013 at 20:52

    Haha, list of things I'll remember not to say now!

    ReplyDelete
  28. all these things were said to me the most annoying one is .. look at the cute boy!! .. boy wearing a pink dress in a pink/ black pushchair.. arghh sooo annoying


    tiffany_123_@hotmail.com
    tifffx

    ReplyDelete
  29. Love this! Its all so true yet there the most common things said to new parents!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. haha love this! I think these things just come automatic to people for them to say. It doesn't bother me..unless its one of those hormonal crazy days hehe.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I don't think I had anyone say this to me.

    ReplyDelete
  32. my partner gets really annoyed when people mistake our daughter for a boy, she almost 2 and still has no hair

    ReplyDelete
  33. I had a man come up to me the other day and say 'Is it a girl or boy?', I replied 'A girl' he then said 'Well you wouldn't be able to tell', I said 'I think the pink dress is a giveaway' SERIOUSLY, some people!!

    ReplyDelete

If you're feeling generous, please consider leaving me a comment as they brighten up my days and make me feel all warm inside!

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to e-mail me at sparkles_blog@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @sparkles_blog