Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: The Magical Tricks Of Hayley-Houdini!

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

The Magical Tricks Of Hayley-Houdini!



I knew that becoming a mother would change me.

It's only natural, of course....

What I didn't realise was the ways in which it would change me....

I had no idea of the talents I would aquire once I had a little person in tow.

Here are just a few of the new things I am now able to do since becoming a mother:

*I can squeeze my pee out at super-human speeds

Who knew you could actually WILL your bladder to work faster?! But you can! All it takes is a crying baby alone in the living room and before you know it, you are squeezing that bladder like your life depends on it!

*I can carry a small human, last nights 2 used bottles, Mr Crinkles (the cuddly giraffe), my mobile phone, the days supply of nappies AND my coffee cup downstairs all at once....

Yes, my bras are no longer simply there to keep my ladyparts in place....oh no, they are now storage devices for the transportation of phones and such....the same thing goes for knicker elastic, why waste it?! It accommodates all kinds of things! Making two trips is just TOO exhausting....

*I can rock a baby, put a dummy back in, write a blog post and turn the TV down simultaneously 

I discovered this one yesterday. If you ONLY allow yourself to use your hands to do things, you're really just holding yourself back - feet and mouths are there to be used!!! I'll allow you to figure out what parts of me I used for which tasks yourself......

*I can sing "Wind the bobbin up" on repeat whilst putting my make up on, and balancing on one foot whilst the other is stopping the baby from rolling off the bed

I'm actually considering putting myself forward for the Guiness Book Of Records for this one....it's quite a sight to behold......

*On the subject of singing - I can now sing my way through preparing the nights dinner like some sort of demented Mary Poppins....

Yes every step is now narrated in song for the entertainment of the 7 month old who thinks that being strapped into the highchair while I prepare his meal is akin to some kind of horrific torture.... The song usually goes something like this:
"I'm opening the Microwave door now....and I'm stirring your dinner.....It's not hot enough yet, oh how we need a new microwave.....Why are you still crying? Roll on bedtime....Mummy needs a pint of gin....."
*ahem* something along those lines....
Sometimes I might even throw a rap in...I'm cool like that.

What new and amazing tricks have you learned since becoming a Mum?! As always, I'd love to hear from you!

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62 comments:

  1. hahaha! That made me chuckle....It's amazing what you can do when you're a mother....lol

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  2. Oh Hayley this is a fab post! Really made me chuckle and I totally agree with all of them. It really does take superhuman abilities to be a mum sometimes and yes we do discover uses for our body we never knew existed! Roll on the terrible two's where I intend to learn to fly!!!

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  3. Awesome post! You had me lol and I do these things, especially the knicker elastic! Vicky x

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  4. Hahahaha! What a great post Hayley, love it! :) xx

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  5. I totally do the, 'singing what I'm doing so you don't cry' thing, trouble is mine are too old to enjoy it and my 4 year old just tells me to 'stop it please Mummy, you're hurting my heart'!!

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  6. Haha, a fantastic read Hayley. I've got some of own little tricks since having Ethan. Love the one about carrying things down in the morning, I'm the same :P x

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  7. Haha , that's what you call multi-tasking!

    X

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  8. Hillarious I need to try some of these out myself :) x

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  9. Hillarious! I need to try out some of these myself ) x

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  10. Haha everything has a dual purpose. I have learnt to type with my left hand and hold a bottle up with my chin!! X

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  11. I know the fee;ing of many of these!!! Especially the insane singing....Love it! xxx

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  12. Well, you already know that I was crying with laughter at this earlier on but I thought I'd share a few of my own tricks with you ...

    1. I can turn the lights on and off with my chin, cheek, forehead, elbow and shoulder if no normal part of my body is able to do it.

    2. I have found that I can do a pretty impressive Minnie Mouse voice - especially if I'm singing (don't ask). Oscar has grown rather fond of this and thinks I really am Minnie. The smile on his face when I start chirruping away is amazing and can stop all manner of strops!

    3. I can cook 4 different meals at once - and have them all ready and on the table at the same time. Last year I struggled with one so this is really some achievement lol

    Louise x

    Confessions of a Secret Shopper

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  13. This was too funny! I remember those days of being able to wow myself at what my Mom powers could do. This was definitely a trip down memory lane and a good laugh, thanks for sharing.

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  14. Love this! It's amazing the skills you learn isn't it?

    Here's the ones I've picked up so far: http://tobecomemum.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-skills-you-develop-when-you-become.html?m=0

    Kelly
    To Become Mum

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  15. Love this! It's amazing the skills you learn isn't it?

    Here's the ones I've picked up so far: http://tobecomemum.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-skills-you-develop-when-you-become.html?m=0

    Kelly x
    To Become Mum

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  16. OMG! I will admit to a lot of these!

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  17. Impressive skills and SO very true! The things you just do as a mummy!

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  18. Too true, life would be so much easier if we were octupuses!

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  19. it's amazing how you change & learn so much in such a short space of time becoming a mother

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  20. This is hilarious, I love it! When I used to nanny, one of the kids hated to be put down, so I got very skilled at doing everything one-handed. It was awesome.

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  21. Ha ha this post made me laugh because I can totally relate. The dreaded molars have made an appearance with my 16 month old son so hes been clinging to me day and night. I hoover, cook, make the bed, brush my teeth, eat, sleep and blog with him on my hip. Small pauses to remove his sticky fingers from my laptop or his hand out my bra lol kids, your got to love them.

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  22. This is why the women have the babies lol, we're so good at multi-tasking

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  23. great post, very funny and so true

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  24. I have also become an expert in multi tasking

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  25. Becoming a mum makes you realise how great you are at multitasking

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  26. wonderful! takes me back to rocking from side to side while walking around the lounge, then realizing that you don't have the baby in your arms, you just do it out of habit!

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  27. Very funny and brilliant post, made me laugh out loud! and brought back so many memories

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  28. Wow. and amazing range of skills.

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  29. How Funny! I have a Harry Houdini here! :) lol kids! xx

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  30. lol this made me giggle i am the smae with carrying this down the stairs i used my bra to hold things in lol

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  31. This made me chuckle. I used to sing out what I was doing all the time too. I also used to turn songs into baby friendly songs like "Hey Jackson you monkey, people say you monkey around, you're too busy stinking, out all the nappies in town" lol x

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  32. Haha, I thought I was the only one that took advantage of knicker elastic!

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  33. Ha ha, excellent post - very well written!

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  34. haha totally get were you're coming from! xx

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  35. Multitasking comes naturally to Supermums - welcome to our club xx

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  36. I think we become Super human beings when we become mothers, I think we have to, multi-tasking becomes a way of life doesnt it x

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  37. I only have 2,now i know why my house growing up was ran like an army camp my mother had 8

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  38. Haha I will have to share this one with my Mummy friends I am sure they would appreciate it :) x

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  39. LOL This made me laugh on such a wet and miserable day!

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  40. My son is older now but I've learned a lot when helping him with his maths homework!

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