The Magical Tricks Of Hayley-Houdini!

I knew that becoming a mother would change me.

It's only natural, of course....

What I didn't realise was the ways in which it would change me....

I had no idea of the talents I would aquire once I had a little person in tow.

Here are just a few of the new things I am now able to do since becoming a mother:

*I can squeeze my pee out at super-human speeds

Who knew you could actually WILL your bladder to work faster?! But you can! All it takes is a crying baby alone in the living room and before you know it, you are squeezing that bladder like your life depends on it!

*I can carry a small human, last nights 2 used bottles, Mr Crinkles (the cuddly giraffe), my mobile phone, the days supply of nappies AND my coffee cup downstairs all at once....

Yes, my bras are no longer simply there to keep my ladyparts in place....oh no, they are now storage devices for the transportation of phones and such....the same thing goes for knicker elastic, why waste it?! It accommodates all kinds of things! Making two trips is just TOO exhausting....

*I can rock a baby, put a dummy back in, write a blog post and turn the TV down simultaneously 

I discovered this one yesterday. If you ONLY allow yourself to use your hands to do things, you're really just holding yourself back - feet and mouths are there to be used!!! I'll allow you to figure out what parts of me I used for which tasks yourself......

*I can sing "Wind the bobbin up" on repeat whilst putting my make up on, and balancing on one foot whilst the other is stopping the baby from rolling off the bed

I'm actually considering putting myself forward for the Guiness Book Of Records for this one....it's quite a sight to behold......

*On the subject of singing - I can now sing my way through preparing the nights dinner like some sort of demented Mary Poppins....

Yes every step is now narrated in song for the entertainment of the 7 month old who thinks that being strapped into the highchair while I prepare his meal is akin to some kind of horrific torture.... The song usually goes something like this:
"I'm opening the Microwave door now....and I'm stirring your dinner.....It's not hot enough yet, oh how we need a new microwave.....Why are you still crying? Roll on bedtime....Mummy needs a pint of gin....."
*ahem* something along those lines....
Sometimes I might even throw a rap in...I'm cool like that.

What new and amazing tricks have you learned since becoming a Mum?! As always, I'd love to hear from you!

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