I knew that becoming a mother would change me.
It's only natural, of course....
What I didn't realise was the ways in which it would change me....
I had no idea of the talents I would aquire once I had a little person in tow.
Here are just a few of the new things I am now able to do since becoming a mother:
*I can squeeze my pee out at super-human speeds
Who knew you could actually WILL your bladder to work faster?! But you can! All it takes is a crying baby alone in the living room and before you know it, you are squeezing that bladder like your life depends on it!
*I can carry a small human, last nights 2 used bottles, Mr Crinkles (the cuddly giraffe), my mobile phone, the days supply of nappies AND my coffee cup downstairs all at once....
Yes, my bras are no longer simply there to keep my ladyparts in place....oh no, they are now storage devices for the transportation of phones and such....the same thing goes for knicker elastic, why waste it?! It accommodates all kinds of things! Making two trips is just TOO exhausting....
*I can rock a baby, put a dummy back in, write a blog post and turn the TV down simultaneously
I discovered this one yesterday. If you ONLY allow yourself to use your hands to do things, you're really just holding yourself back - feet and mouths are there to be used!!! I'll allow you to figure out what parts of me I used for which tasks yourself......
*I can sing "Wind the bobbin up" on repeat whilst putting my make up on, and balancing on one foot whilst the other is stopping the baby from rolling off the bed
I'm actually considering putting myself forward for the Guiness Book Of Records for this one....it's quite a sight to behold......
*On the subject of singing - I can now sing my way through preparing the nights dinner like some sort of demented Mary Poppins....
Yes every step is now narrated in song for the entertainment of the 7 month old who thinks that being strapped into the highchair while I prepare his meal is akin to some kind of horrific torture.... The song usually goes something like this:
"I'm opening the Microwave door now....and I'm stirring your dinner.....It's not hot enough yet, oh how we need a new microwave.....Why are you still crying? Roll on bedtime....Mummy needs a pint of gin....."
*ahem* something along those lines....
Sometimes I might even throw a rap in...I'm cool like that.
*On the subject of singing - I can now sing my way through preparing the nights dinner like some sort of demented Mary Poppins....
Yes every step is now narrated in song for the entertainment of the 7 month old who thinks that being strapped into the highchair while I prepare his meal is akin to some kind of horrific torture.... The song usually goes something like this:
"I'm opening the Microwave door now....and I'm stirring your dinner.....It's not hot enough yet, oh how we need a new microwave.....Why are you still crying? Roll on bedtime....Mummy needs a pint of gin....."
*ahem* something along those lines....
Sometimes I might even throw a rap in...I'm cool like that.
What new and amazing tricks have you learned since becoming a Mum?! As always, I'd love to hear from you!
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hahaha! That made me chuckle....It's amazing what you can do when you're a mother....lol
ReplyDeleteOh Hayley this is a fab post! Really made me chuckle and I totally agree with all of them. It really does take superhuman abilities to be a mum sometimes and yes we do discover uses for our body we never knew existed! Roll on the terrible two's where I intend to learn to fly!!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! You had me lol and I do these things, especially the knicker elastic! Vicky x
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! What a great post Hayley, love it! :) xx
ReplyDeleteI totally do the, 'singing what I'm doing so you don't cry' thing, trouble is mine are too old to enjoy it and my 4 year old just tells me to 'stop it please Mummy, you're hurting my heart'!!
ReplyDeleteHaha, a fantastic read Hayley. I've got some of own little tricks since having Ethan. Love the one about carrying things down in the morning, I'm the same :P x
ReplyDeleteHaha , that's what you call multi-tasking!
ReplyDeleteX
Hillarious I need to try some of these out myself :) x
ReplyDeleteHillarious! I need to try out some of these myself ) x
ReplyDeleteHaha everything has a dual purpose. I have learnt to type with my left hand and hold a bottle up with my chin!! X
ReplyDeletehaha this is funny!
ReplyDeleteKerry @ Lived With Love! | Mummy, Beauty & Lifestyle blog
I know the fee;ing of many of these!!! Especially the insane singing....Love it! xxx
ReplyDeleteWell, you already know that I was crying with laughter at this earlier on but I thought I'd share a few of my own tricks with you ...
ReplyDelete1. I can turn the lights on and off with my chin, cheek, forehead, elbow and shoulder if no normal part of my body is able to do it.
2. I have found that I can do a pretty impressive Minnie Mouse voice - especially if I'm singing (don't ask). Oscar has grown rather fond of this and thinks I really am Minnie. The smile on his face when I start chirruping away is amazing and can stop all manner of strops!
3. I can cook 4 different meals at once - and have them all ready and on the table at the same time. Last year I struggled with one so this is really some achievement lol
Louise x
Confessions of a Secret Shopper
This was too funny! I remember those days of being able to wow myself at what my Mom powers could do. This was definitely a trip down memory lane and a good laugh, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLove this! It's amazing the skills you learn isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHere's the ones I've picked up so far: http://tobecomemum.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-skills-you-develop-when-you-become.html?m=0
Kelly
To Become Mum
Love this! It's amazing the skills you learn isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHere's the ones I've picked up so far: http://tobecomemum.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-skills-you-develop-when-you-become.html?m=0
Kelly x
To Become Mum
this is hilarious! love it! xxx
ReplyDeleteMade me giggle! Thanks x
ReplyDeleteOMG! I will admit to a lot of these!
ReplyDeleteImpressive skills and SO very true! The things you just do as a mummy!
ReplyDeleteHaha, super hayley!
ReplyDeleteToo true, life would be so much easier if we were octupuses!
ReplyDeletelol what a great post :)
ReplyDeleteit's amazing how you change & learn so much in such a short space of time becoming a mother
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious, I love it! When I used to nanny, one of the kids hated to be put down, so I got very skilled at doing everything one-handed. It was awesome.
ReplyDeleteHa ha this post made me laugh because I can totally relate. The dreaded molars have made an appearance with my 16 month old son so hes been clinging to me day and night. I hoover, cook, make the bed, brush my teeth, eat, sleep and blog with him on my hip. Small pauses to remove his sticky fingers from my laptop or his hand out my bra lol kids, your got to love them.
ReplyDeleteThis is why the women have the babies lol, we're so good at multi-tasking
ReplyDeletetakes me back!!!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant - love this
ReplyDeletegreat post, very funny and so true
ReplyDeleteThat did make me chuckle.
ReplyDeleteI have also become an expert in multi tasking
ReplyDeleteBecoming a mum makes you realise how great you are at multitasking
ReplyDeletemade me laugh :)
ReplyDeletewonderful! takes me back to rocking from side to side while walking around the lounge, then realizing that you don't have the baby in your arms, you just do it out of habit!
ReplyDeleteVery funny and brilliant post, made me laugh out loud! and brought back so many memories
ReplyDeleteWow. and amazing range of skills.
ReplyDeleteHow Funny! I have a Harry Houdini here! :) lol kids! xx
ReplyDeletelol this made me giggle i am the smae with carrying this down the stairs i used my bra to hold things in lol
ReplyDeleteBrilliant !
ReplyDeleteVery funny life as a mother
ReplyDeleteLol, great post!
ReplyDeleteThis made me chuckle. I used to sing out what I was doing all the time too. I also used to turn songs into baby friendly songs like "Hey Jackson you monkey, people say you monkey around, you're too busy stinking, out all the nappies in town" lol x
ReplyDeleteHaha, I thought I was the only one that took advantage of knicker elastic!
ReplyDeleteHa ha, excellent post - very well written!
ReplyDeletehaha totally get were you're coming from! xx
ReplyDeleteMultitasking comes naturally to Supermums - welcome to our club xx
ReplyDeleteVery funny and well written.
ReplyDeletevery funny x
ReplyDeleteI think we become Super human beings when we become mothers, I think we have to, multi-tasking becomes a way of life doesnt it x
ReplyDeletelol this made me giggle so much!
ReplyDeleteLol - fab post! xxx
ReplyDeletegreat skills
ReplyDeletegreat skills
ReplyDeleteI only have 2,now i know why my house growing up was ran like an army camp my mother had 8
ReplyDeletehaha :) wonderful post!
ReplyDeletedefo funny
ReplyDeletethis made me laugh
ReplyDeleteVery funny
ReplyDeleteHaha I will have to share this one with my Mummy friends I am sure they would appreciate it :) x
ReplyDeleteLOL This made me laugh on such a wet and miserable day!
ReplyDeleteMy son is older now but I've learned a lot when helping him with his maths homework!
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