Last Thursday was a life changing day for me.
You'd never have known it....nothing stood out about that day.
The sun rose and fell just like it always does.
The usual chores of the day were completed.
We played, we shopped, we ate, we chatted, we went to bed.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
But that day...I achieved something.
Something I have been trying for years to do, and never quite had the nerve to follow through with.
I've talked before about my issues with anxiety & panic attacks...I make no secret of it.
It's been over 3 months since I last discussed it, and I'm sorry to say that it's only gotten worse since then.
My panic attacks would once occur 2 or 3 times a week.
Now if they happen once or twice a day, I consider it a good day.
More often than not, they're happening several times every day.
It's such a horrible feeling - to be trapped by your own mind and thoughts. To know that you are the one triggering your own anxiety attacks by constantly allowing yourself to think of all the things that scare you, but being helpless to stop it.
I'm not sure why they're becoming more frequent but they are....and it was getting to the point that I just couldn't handle it anymore.
Tired of speaking to my Dr about it only to be told to try CBT again or try some new medication, I decided to try going to a private counselor.
It's not something I can easily afford, but I felt that it was money well spent if it alleviates the anxiety even slightly.
So....two weeks ago, I googled local counselling services and I called a lady.
She had a brief chat with me and penciled me in for a consultation.
That 2 week wait was a long one...I changed my mind pretty much every day on whether or not I was going to attend that session.
On Thursday morning, I almost backed out.
But I didn't.
My counselor, Trish, seems like a good match for me.
I find her easy to talk to.
We talked a LOT.
She took a lot of notes.
I felt a big sense of relief when she told me that my "issues" were very deep-rooted.
I don't know why.
I suppose it affirmed for me that I genuinely do have issues...that there is a reason for why I have these anxiety attacks.
I suppose acknowledging that there's a reason for it makes it seem like it might be treatable.
Trish recommended a 6 month course of psycho dynamic therapy - once per week, one hour at a time.
I agreed to this.
It's a big financial commitment but it has to be worth it.
It's probably just a placebo effect, but I felt better as soon as I left the session.
I felt like I was finally taking steps toward stopping these horrific panic attacks, and that can only be a good thing.
I know from previous posts that a lot of people out there suffer similar issues to me, and so I decided that I'm going to talk about my anxiety and counselling journey regularly.
I'm going to keep a sort of diary of how I'm getting on, what happens at the sessions, and so on.
Maybe it'll help somebody else to understand how it all works and what happens at these sessions, who knows....
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