Working from home is one of the biggest blessings in my life.
I'll always be so very grateful that I was able to earn a living while still being at home with my babies.
But it's not always easy - just as with any job there are always deadlines to be met and if the work isn't done then the payments don't come in - you have to be strict, you have to be focused and you have to commit your time.
So even though the children can often be right there in the very next room, a huge portion of the day can often pass before I see them or get to spend any real time with them and it's hard.
I feel I'm missing out, I worry that they'll not understand that Mummy is working and will think I'm simply choosing to be in another room and not with them.
And so, whenever I can, If there's ever an hour I can spare to finish that little bit earlier - I like to make the most of it and get out of the house.
We often go to the beach or the park - this week it was the park.
We headed out just before dinner time, took a bag of bread to feed the ducks and spent some time just playing on the swings and the climbing frame.
It was only an hour or so - and it wasn't without its stresses as Tyne decided to dip his foot in the duck pond!! - but it's so lovely to just get out of the house with the kids, into the fresh air and sunshine, and just do these simple things.
There were other older children in the park - a group of girls about 7 years old playing on the roundabout and bickering pretty loudly amongst themselves - Tyne stood on the climbing frame just watching them for ages.
He was so entranced by these older kids and their dramatic conversation - I could tell how much he wanted to be part of it all - he asked me if he could go over to talk to them.
He asked in the same unsure way that he asks me everything these days....all questions always end with an unsure "Ok Mummy?"
"I'm going to play upstairs...Ok Mummy?"
"I'm taking my shoes off...Ok Mummy?"
and on this occasion....
"I'm going to talk to the other kids...Ok Mummy?"
He always seeks my approval...as though he's not quite sure that what he's about to do is the safe thing or the right thing, and my advice will help him to decide...as though if I tell him its OK then it must be the right thing to do...because Mummy knows best.
I like to encourage him to trust his own mind and do what he wants to do, but on some occasions I have to tell him No and I hate that...and this was one of those occasions...I knew he wouldn't be welcomed to the play with those girls amid their very dramatic 7 year old playground spat so I had to tell him no, he couldn't go and talk to them right now.
I hate seeing his face so disappointed.
At this age he thinks everybody in the world is a friend he hasn't met yet - he thinks everyone will always be happy to see him and talk to him.
I hate seeing him slowly realise that isn't always true.
He's too little to have those ideals taken from him just yet.
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