EDIT: First off...I can't write a new post and not acknowledge my last one from Monday. I was in two minds about posting it, and I didn't even advertise the link anywhere (Although bloglovin auto-tweeted it once) because I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to read it - but somehow a lot of people did read it and I have been truly overwhelmed by the emails, messages and comments I've received.
There are so many lovely and helpful people out there that it makes me quite emotional to think about - so thank you so much to every one of you for reaching out to me. I appreciate it more than you know.
Things are pretty rubbish at the moment emotionally and health wise in this last stage of pregnancy, and it's all just become a bit much I think - it's been really difficult with my other children being so young, this past week Noah has been really poorly and not sleeping well (meaning neither have I!) and due to our situation with Jon having no family and mine not being around, we don't have any outside help which makes the pressure a lot sometimes...
But I managed yesterday to make a call I'd been dreading and ask for help from the peri natal mental health team, and I have an appointment with them tomorrow. So fingers crossed.
I was embarrassed initially to have published such a raw emotional post which seemed somewhat pointless to me at first, but now I'm glad I did and I'm not going to shy away from the topic - it clearly is something that affects other people too and perhaps if I do write about it then it may be able to help someone else feeling the same way...who knows.
Anyway - Thank you again - and on with the bump update!
How many weeks am I? 35 weeks + 6 days
What are my symptoms?
Just general discomfort really...and exhaustion!! I feel SO bone tired all the time - I think it's a combination of a pregnancy so close to my last one, having two very young children to deal with, and a full time job to manage around them - which means I'm getting very little sleep.
I also found out this week that I have quite a severe iron deficiency so have been put back on the dreaded iron tablets - so that's probably contributing to the tiredness too! Other than that and some occasional pain under my ribs and occasional headaches, the main symptoms have just been extreme discomfort - I feel absolutely gigantic now, I can't ever get comfortable and I'm waddling like an absolute champion!!
I've struggled with SPD this time since around 12 weeks and despite telling my midwife every time I see her how bad it is, and even crying in her office once, she has never suggested any kind of help - she just says "Awww...it's just one of those things that gets worse with each pregnancy"....Great :/
For the past week or so I've barely been able to walk, and sleeping is a thing of the past as everytime I move in my sleep...the pain wakes me up.
I have also been having a lot of VERY intense pain in my previous c section scar, I've had a cold and a cough so it strikes me mostly when I cough or sneeze but has also been happening when I get out of bed or move too quickly - the pain is more intense than I can describe, it feels like the scar is about to burst open or as though I`m being stabbed in it...it's enough to make me scream in pain when it happens! Again, the midwife says its just "One of those things".
What's happened at medical appointments?
Well after the debacle with lack of any test results last month and messed up thyroid results, I finally got to see my midwife this week who confirmed that my Obstetric Cholestasis tests were clear - she re-tested my thyroid levels and called today to say they're fine, which is a relief. She did confirm, as I mentioned above, that I'm very anemic and so has put me on iron tablets.
She had a good feel around of baby and said he/she is not engaged yet or anywhere my pelvis, she thinks the reason I'm experiencing so much pain in the scar is because of the pressure of the sac weighing right on it as she said I'm carrying all in my tummy and not at all in my back which makes it heavier!
She confirmed that I have gained less than a stone (13 lbs) since the start of the pregnancy which will be pretty much all baby/fluid weight, so that's a positive as I was worried it would be a lot since I feel so much heavier!
I was also sent for a growth scan this week, and apparently baby is already measuring at over 6 lbs?!! I hope i'm not going to have a gigantic baby - because my last two were small everything I've bought is Tiny baby size as they were both in that size for a month after their births! So I'll be a bit buggered if this one is huge and doesn't fit into any of it!
I was very good and didn't look at the screen during the scan so I couldn't be tempted to glimpse the sex - but the sonographer did inform me that the baby has a LOT of hair!!
How is the baby prep going?
As we don't know the sex and I so dislike all of the on trend unisex stuff (I hate monochrome or bright colours on newborns, I am very much a pale pastel colours only kind of person!) I haven't bought much at all - my plan is to have a big online spending spree the night baby has arrived! I have picked up plenty of plain white vests and plain white sleepsuits in the sales, scratch mitts, little hats, a blanket or two, a cardigan and shawl, nappies, and a cream knitted coming home outfit - so that's pretty much everything done and dusted apart from my hospital bag things which I NEED to sort out this week!
How am I feeling emotionally?
Well up to this week - not great. As I mentioned, I wrote a post about how I was feeling earlier this week, and mentioned that I think perhaps I have pre-natal depression.
I have to admit that until recently I wasn't really feeling too excited about the pregnancy overall (probably due to having not long had Noah!) and was more nervous about managing 3 children than anything else, but I had a dream last night where I could clearly see the babies face for the first time (I couldn't tell the sex as it was wearing white, but it looked more like a boy and I keep wanting to call it "he"! It also had loads of hair in my dream, so since the sonographer has since told me that's true it makes me believe the dream more!) and that made me finally a lot of excitement about getting to meet him/her! I do struggle with mood swings a lot at the moment though, especially as I`m desperate to start nesting and organising everything but never seem to have the time!
How are the big brothers doing?
Obviously Noah, at 10 months old, is entirely oblivious to the whole thing but he DOES seem to love bashing my tummy and trying to bite it - I think he knows there's a baby in there and he's trying to stamp his authority over it already!!
As for Tyne, for some reason he has seemed to understand this pregnancy a lot less than he did with Noah - with Noah he was very excited about the baby coming, he talked about his new baby brother a lot and seemed to know exactly what was going on - but this time he seems to keep forgetting about me being pregnant at all, and often seems confused by it when we talk about.
However this week he did look at me in a very confused manner when I left the midwifes office and asked "But Mummy, where's the new baby?!" as though he had expected me to come out of the Drs surgery carrying it! (Wouldn't that be lovely!) He has also started to stick his tummy out and waddle around like I do, declaring he also has a baby in his tummy!
This week he also asked me how the baby is going to come out, I told him the Dr will be cutting it out as this is what we told him when I had Noah (Planned c section, and I needed him to understand that he couldn't touch my sore tummy afterwards coz it was sore where the dr had cut!) - he never questioned this at all last time but this time he immediately said "But Mummy, then your tummy will be broken" - I was a bit flustered by this as I realised it meant he'd obviously been thinking in more detail about it this time and I didn't want him to be worried. I told him the Dr uses a special knife and a special glue afterwards to fix it, and that everything will be fine...he didn't ask anymore about it, I just hope he's not going to worry!
I'm starting to get anxious about getting my c section date through, as I know from experience last time that they will most likely try to mess me around with it.
This hospital seems to be pretty slack with c section dates, they don't give you a date until 2 weeks before hand (When I had my first son in Liverpool I was given the date 8 weeks ahead of time) and with Noah they tried to set the op date as my due date despite having promised it would be done at 39 weeks to stop me from going into labour - my sister had her 3rd baby at the same hospital and was also not supposed to risk going in to labour for health reasons yet they called on the day of her scheduled c section and pushed it back by 4 days - meaning she delivered 3 days AFTER her due date! So I'm fully prepared to have a fight on my hands, but the consultant expressly told me at my 20 week appointment that I should NOT be allowed to go past 39 weeks as it's crucial that I don't go into labour naturally due to the pressure on my very new and recently infected previous scar - so I'm going to have to stand my ground! I just hope they don't make it stressful like they did last time and just stick with a date around the time advised!