I hate that I call you that now...because you're not a big boy at all.
You're only 3 years old...you're little more than a baby....but when you're suddenly catapulted to the rank of Oldest Of 3 Boys it seems as though that's what everybody starts to refer to you as...and I followed suit.
Sometimes I worry that I've rushed you too much.
That I treat you and think of you as if you're a much older boy than you really are.
That because you had two younger siblings come along in such quick succession, that you've been robbed of your own babyhood.
There aren't a lot of 3 year olds who haven't taken a ride in a pushchair for well over a year... the last time you used one was before Noah was born, before you turned 2...
There aren't that many children who came out of their cot and into a "Big boy bed" at 20 months old...But we needed your cot for the new baby, and so your toddler bed was kind of pushed upon you earlier than most.
There aren't many children that, before they turn 3, share their mummies and daddies with not just one little sibling, but two of them already...who've experienced their mummy being pregnant more often than not...
Because of all of these things, it's easy to forget how very little you still are.
You act so much older than your years most of the time...you converse like a grown up sometimes, and you're such a wise and intuitive little thing.
And so sometimes, when you're feeling sad and throwing a bit of a tantrum...I find myself losing patience too quickly, as though I assume that you should be more in control of your emotions somehow...
Because sometimes I forget.
I forget that actually...you're barely out of nappies.
That you still love your dummies so much and are so very reluctant to part with them.
That you love to be "cuddled in" at night time, and to come through to mummys bed for cuddles when you wake up feeling frightened.
That you still can't pronounce your F's properly.
That you are really, truly still just a baby....the oldest of 3 babies of mine yes...but a baby nonetheless.
Not a big boy after all...simply the biggest of three very little ones.
I'm sorry if I've been rushing you sweetheart...let's take our time from now on.
Lots Of Love,
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