Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: Things They Don't Tell You About Having Boys

Friday, 12 August 2016

Things They Don't Tell You About Having Boys

Since my son was born, followed closely by his two baby brothers - I have had no shortage of negative comments and remarks directed at me about their gender.

Ridiculous comments of course...ones I wish I could have easily brushed off, but comments that hurt my feelings.

If you have only one child or a child of each gender, this may be something you haven't experienced but for those of us with multiple children of the same gender - it can be a very common experience.

Just last week I posted on Instagram & Facebook about this subject and had a lot of comments from parents who have had the same experiences as me..and this really saddens me.

When pregnant with my last child, we decided to keep the gender of the baby a surprise - part of this was because I thought it would be more exciting that way...
But part of it was because I had already had such a hard time with people's insensitive remarks when carrying my second son and  I just didn't want to open myself up to all of that again.

When I was having my second son, all I ever seemed to hear was "Oh another boy? Ah what a'll have to try again for a girl!" and after a while it got me down.

I was excited about the arrival of my newest little blue bundle, why couldn't people just share in that happiness instead of trying to make out that I should be disappointed?!

My third pregnancy was a far more enjoyable experience as, because I didn't find out the sex, nobody could have those conversations with me (Although I still got plenty of "Oh fingers crossed for a girl!! remarks).

The thing is, people don't seem to realise how upsetting these comments can be - particularly to an already hormonal and emotional pregnant woman. 

When having my first son, the first boy in our family for 27 years, I was already feeling a little scared and unsure of what to expect from life with a boy - it was completely foreign to me, the mother/son relationship was something I'd never seen close up.

The comments I heard from people just made me feel more worried and even dampened my excitement.. comments like:

"Oh boys are so messy and loud - your house will be filthy all the time! They'll bring mud in every day, they're always so mucky..."

And the one that hurt the most...."A daughter is a daughter for life, a Son is a son until he finds a wife".


And people seriously thought it was a good idea to recite that to an emotional pregnant woman carrying a son?!

I envisioned a life full of mess, dirt, smell, army tanks and fighting, and a lifetime of grumpy, distant boys.

I hated the thought of filling my house with things I had no interest in like cars and superheroes - I understood dolls and prams, I liked those - but not "boys toys".

But the thing is...I couldn't have been more wrong.

I was completely clueless.

And so, for any other mums-to-be out there carrying a boy and a little unsure of what to expect, please don't listen to all of the rubbish you might be hearing from people about what life as a Mum of Boys has in store for you - here are just some of the amazing things about having boys that nobody tells you about:

*They are SO affectionate

My oldest two boys are both the cuddliest children - they love to snuggle up to me on the sofa, they ask to "cuddle in" all the time, they smother me in kisses, and my oldest tells us all that he loves us numerous times every day.

Just last week, my little boy said to me "Mummy, when I'm bigger can you be my wife?" - If that's not a heart melting moment, what is?!

*Boys can be your best friend too

I always worried that my sons would be closer to their Dad than me, but I was wrong - they are all Mummys boys and my relationship with my oldest son is very much a Best Friend one - we have our "secret club" which Daddy isn't allowed into, and we even have Mummy & Tiny "date nights" when we have quality time just the two of us - boys (little boys, at least!) love to be around you just as much as girls do.

Ok I'm sure this will change when they're teenagers, but I know PLENTY of teenaged girls who want nothing to do with their parents too - it's not a gender thing, it's a personal thing.

*All the things that you thought you'd hate about boys - you will find so cute!

Or at least, that has been my experience. All those superheroes I thought I'd hate? Well I think it's adorable - seeing your little boy dressed up as The Hulk, telling you he's going to "Save the world, Mummy!" is the sweetest thing ever - there is no way that your heart won't melt.

And as for the cars and "boy toys" - if you'd have told me this 3 years ago I would never have believed you, but I find myself getting excited when I find a cool new Monster Truck that my boy would love - their excitement and enthusiasm for things is contagious, it doesn't matter what it is or how you felt about it before - if your child loves it, it will grow on you and soon you'll be getting excited about the same things they do.

*They love "girl toys" too....

And make up, and dressing up, and dancing, and nail polish...and anything that you imagined your daughter would do, boys can do it all too.

That's the great thing about raising modern children - there ARE no boys and girls toys anymore.

Toys are just toys, playing is just playing - it really doesn't matter. 

My son has recently become obsessed with Frozen Fever and has asked for an Elsa doll for Christmas -  which suits me just fine!

If you expose your children - boy or girl -  to a range of toys, then they're going to have a range of interests - there's no need to pigeon hole them.

*They have an enthusiasm for life that you can't help but catch

Every day spent with my kids is exciting and there are always a lot of moments of fun, even on the hard days.

They are always looking for the next adventure, always trying to create something new to do (Cushion forts will be your life and it is actually the cutest thing!), always running about in excitement...  and instead of being exhausting or meaning that I have "Have my hands full"'s contagious. My world has been a more colourful and exciting place since my kids have been in it.

So if you're about to become a mama to a are honestly so lucky. You are in for a whole lot of fun!

And to the Girls are you.

Because ALL children are unique and wonderful in their own way.

It's not about their gender, it's about their personality - their gender defines nothing about them.

Don't let the small minded and outdated people with their thoughtless comments drag you down - their generalisations are not going to define your experiences.

Go and raise a wonderful, happy, free spirited child and don't waste a second more fretting about it's gender.

I promise you, there won't be a day that you'll wish they were anything other than themselves.

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  1. I wrote a post recently about me having an opposite gender second child. I've had people comment that ooo I'm sorted now one of each etc.. I would have loved another boy.

    1. Oh I would love to read your post, do you have a link? xx

  2. Completely agree! People talk such nonsense. Most kids don't conform perfectly to their gender stereotypes and how boring would life be if they did?


  3. I sat and read this with a huge smile on my face - at least the second half! You totally hit the nail on my head. I have just one little boy and he is my whole world. He is so affectionate and wants cuddles and kisses all the time - a complete mummy's boy! I get the son until he finds a wife comment all the time and I just respond with 'really?! he's three, let me enjoy his childhood before you marry him off!' They soon shut up!! Great post. Will share :) #fartglitter

    1. Ah thank you Jaki, I'm so glad you liked it.That comment is just the worst isn't it?!! What are people thinking?! lol good reply, I need to try that myself! xx

  4. Popping by again from #anythinggoes

  5. Loved reading this. I have two boys and a girl and she's every bit as messy and loud as they ever were, if not more so! My boys are so cuddly and are always telling me they love me - I just hope this continues. I actually love the rough & tumble play you get more of with boys (though my girl loves this too!) I don't think it matters the gender of your kids, as long as they know they're loved and they have lots of fun. My three are all very different from each other. When I was having my third I would not have been at all upset if it was another boy, I just wanted a happy healthy baby. I don't understand why people can be insensitive, I reason it with myself by saying that they probably don't mean it that way and are really just finding something to say. #anythinggoes

    1. Ah thank you! That is a great way of looking at it, I really must try to see the best possible reason for those comments - they annoy me so much! All of your kiddies, boys and girls, sound amazing in their own ways! Just as it should be :) xx

  6. This is so lovely. I have two boys and I got told my some "people" that they wanted a girl. Right to my face about 8 hours after I'd had him. people are so insensitive aren't they? My boys are so so cuddly and affectionate and they both clambe into my lap all the time and my oldest still wants to hug me as he falls asleep. I wouldn't change them for anything!

    1. Ah thank you. People really can say the cruelest things, I wonder if they realise. Your boys sound just wonderful :) You're a lucky mummy! It's a shame if other people can't see that xx

  7. Oh I am with you here - the comments you get when you're pregnant! I met my stepson when he was 6 years old and got so many comments about how hard it will be to get on with a messy, sporty boy. The reality was very different to that - I have to agree that boys are so affectionate, my little girl is very independent indeed :-) fab post lovely xx #anythinggoes

    1. Oh no!!! People are so ridiculous with their stereotypes aren't they?! Lol ahh bless her! Emma is adorable :) xx

  8. I have a girl and two boys. The girl is the eldest and I was scared having a boy. Our eldest boy was the first boy in my husband's family since himself. I have a couple of nephews! I also have a niece and found that I identified with girls more (or so I thought). My husband had a daughter who was 7 when we met so we had two girls plus my niece so I was used to girls. I remember being worried when I had the first boy because I didn't know about boys and when the second boy came along I was so surprised. Let me tell you about my boys - the are energetic, sporty, mischievous, and often dirty, but they are the fun in my life! They are so loving! They both started playing football last year - I hated football and longed for my daughter to dance. Guess what? I love the football, and I got my wish but I dislike being a dance-mum. My daughter is actually considering football now because of the boys and I really want her to do it! She isn't a girly-girl like I was - she does have dolls, and make-up and dress up. Again like you say, the boys love to be involved in that too! I hated the outdoors but now I love it and we love our sporty, action-packed activities, and our life is so much better for it! When I was pregnant with the boys, I thought they would be girls as I imagined myself with three girls but the truth is, it wouldn't have mattered because I truly wanted healthy children and that's what I was lucky enough to get. My girl is actually a lot more demanding than the boys! Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes this is a great post. Some people can be so insensitive and when you know yourself you are lucky and blessed, it's awful that people feel the need to rain on your parade! Your boys are gorgeous btw! Janet :)

    1. Ahhh I love this comment Janet - isn't it crazy how you end up loving the things you thought you'd hate?!! Your children all sound wonderful! And thank you, they are little cuties :) xx

  9. This!! THIS THIS THIS!! Best post I've read in a while, I could've wrote this myself!!
    As a Mum of 2 boys I totally relate with every comment!
    People just dont understand how insensitive they sound do they??

  10. Me again, this time from #bestandworst :)

  11. I cant believe some of the comments that you got when pregnant with your 2nd child. I can totally understand why you kept quiet during your last pregnancy. Your boys are beautiful! :) #Sharingthebloglove

  12. What a fab post Hayley, I had similar comments with my 2nd pregnancy before I found out I was expecting a girl and then when I did know I was having a girl I had several comments of ohhhh aren't you lucky, 1 of each when actually I would't have cared either way I was just fortunate and was hoping for a healthy baby. It's so funny how people like to have their say! Thanks for linking up lovely!! #bestandworst

    1. Ah thanks Helen! It is, isn't it?!? People are very strange lol xx


    You are so very talented!

    1. Ah thank you so much Kristin, that is just the loveliest comment <3 You've made my day! xx

  14. I couldn't love this more! I come from a family of girls, and I have to admit that when I found out I was having a boy I was a bit shocked and wondered whether I'd know what to do. And I definitely got the negative comments about how messy, noisy, and destructive he'd be. But it's been nothing but amazing! He is so affectionate, and a huge bundle of energy, and hilarious to boot! I don't know what I worried about - we're raising unique little people, not textbook gender stereotypes - of course they'll be their own person and we should celebrate that. Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    1. Ah thank you Katy. That was exactly my experience too, and peoples comments make these worries all the worse don't they! Your little guy is just gorgeous and these energetic little bundles of ours are perfect, boy or girl!! xx

  15. This is a lovely post. As of 10 weeks ago, I am also a mummy to three boys. The adjustment of getting used to never having a daughter has been emotional at times, and all the horrible comments I received just made that 10 times worse, so I can completely empathise with what you said about the thoughtless comments you received.

    1. Thank you so much Chloe. It's so funny you commented, I've been reading your recent post about gender (in segments because these boys of mine keep interrupting me, you know how it is..hence no comment yet!) and relating to it so very much. People really should be more considerate before making their ridiculous comments. xx

  16. Love this! I have 2 girls and our family is complete. When I got pregnant the second time and found out I was having a sister for Alice I was so pleased. I really wanted Alice to have the sister I longed for. But I got all the comments about being disappointed I wasn't having a boy etc. The most hurtful one I get is how I will never know the special relationship that a mum and son have. Like I don't know that!! Of course I know its different to a mum and daughter relationship, but I wouldn't change what I have for anything. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x

  17. Ah lovely post! I always assumed I'd have one of each, but just had my second boy and can't imagine it any other way! Already loving my house being full of toy cars (and a doll!) and cushion forts thanks to my toddler boy! Xx


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