Thursday, 19 September 2013

Separation Anxiety: The Mummy Version

Separation Anxiety.

Two words you hear banded about quite a lot in Mummy Circles.

But usually - they refer to the anxiety of the child when its caregiver leaves the room. 

The child worries about whether or not their loved one will return, they panic, they cry. 

Lately I've been experiencing separation anxiety first hand.

But the difference's not Tyne who's having it. It's me!
I have recently been lucky enough to be offered some amazing opportunities in London - I've been asked to review a hotel, review a west end show, and review a couple of restaurants and bars.

I love carrying out these kinds of reviews and I LOVE visiting London, so of course I jumped at the chance and said yes!

I checked with my Mum & Dad, and they were going to be around that week so were available to babysit Tyne overnight.

They love having him, and he loves them - he never minds being left with them at all.

So it seemed that all was sorted.

But a few nights ago, when it came time for me to book my coach tickets to get to London and back - I found myself starting to worry. 

It started when I was choosing which times were best to travel - I found myself thinking about what Tyne would be doing at those times.

I didn't want to not be there when he got up, or else it would feel like I'd been away for longer than I really had....

I didn't want to be not be there when he had breakfast incase he didn't eat it....

I didn't want to be rushing out when he was in the middle of his morning playtime....

After playing around for half an hour or so with different time slots, I came to the realisation that I just didn't want to leave him at all....

This came as a surprise to me, as I have never thought of myself as somebody who would be a particularly clingy mother.

I have left him with my parents overnight once before, but he was younger then and it somehow seemed less like he'd notice we were gone - plus we were living with my parents at the time so he saw them every day and the change wouldn't have been too dramatic for him.

I do go out every now and then and my sister babysits him for the evening - he is always fine, and I never mind leaving him coz I know he's having fun with his aunty and his cousins who dote on him.

Infact before Tyne was born, I was planning my next cruise holiday with Jon - asking my Mum if she'd mind looking after the baby for a couple of weeks while we go away because he'd be too young to appreciate the holiday.

I laughed when my Mum said "Hayley, there is no way you will want to go away and leave your baby for two weeks."

I literally laughed and told her she didn't know me very well because nothing in the world would keep me off a cruise ship.

She laughed too - at me. And said "We'll see".

Well Mummy looks like you were right again!!!!!

The end result of my attempted London Coach booking session was that Jon found me slumped in the computer chair, crying my eyes out and rambling about how I didn't want to go and leave Tyne.

And this is just over ONE night away from home.

I can't even begin to imagine what the thought of going out of the country for two weeks without him would do to me.....

I AM going to try to persevere. I've yet to brave the National Express website again so am currently still without transport, but I am going to try to force myself to go and have a good time...because I don't want to become too clingy, I don't think its good for me or Tyne.

I've been busy trying to distract myself by reading up on the show we're going to review, and looking for cheap luggage online as I've come to realise that I only own enormous suitcases or teeny weeny handbags! 
But I will certainly be making sure any future trips away without him are few and far between....and preferably avoided altogether!
Have you experienced separation anxiety? What's the longest you've been away from your little one? Or would you never do it? As always, I'd love to hear from you!

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