Thursday, 19 September 2013

Separation Anxiety: The Mummy Version

Separation Anxiety.

Two words you hear banded about quite a lot in Mummy Circles.

But usually - they refer to the anxiety of the child when its caregiver leaves the room. 

The child worries about whether or not their loved one will return, they panic, they cry. 

Lately I've been experiencing separation anxiety first hand.

But the difference's not Tyne who's having it. It's me!
I have recently been lucky enough to be offered some amazing opportunities in London - I've been asked to review a hotel, review a west end show, and review a couple of restaurants and bars.

I love carrying out these kinds of reviews and I LOVE visiting London, so of course I jumped at the chance and said yes!

I checked with my Mum & Dad, and they were going to be around that week so were available to babysit Tyne overnight.

They love having him, and he loves them - he never minds being left with them at all.

So it seemed that all was sorted.

But a few nights ago, when it came time for me to book my coach tickets to get to London and back - I found myself starting to worry. 

It started when I was choosing which times were best to travel - I found myself thinking about what Tyne would be doing at those times.

I didn't want to not be there when he got up, or else it would feel like I'd been away for longer than I really had....

I didn't want to be not be there when he had breakfast incase he didn't eat it....

I didn't want to be rushing out when he was in the middle of his morning playtime....

After playing around for half an hour or so with different time slots, I came to the realisation that I just didn't want to leave him at all....

This came as a surprise to me, as I have never thought of myself as somebody who would be a particularly clingy mother.

I have left him with my parents overnight once before, but he was younger then and it somehow seemed less like he'd notice we were gone - plus we were living with my parents at the time so he saw them every day and the change wouldn't have been too dramatic for him.

I do go out every now and then and my sister babysits him for the evening - he is always fine, and I never mind leaving him coz I know he's having fun with his aunty and his cousins who dote on him.

Infact before Tyne was born, I was planning my next cruise holiday with Jon - asking my Mum if she'd mind looking after the baby for a couple of weeks while we go away because he'd be too young to appreciate the holiday.

I laughed when my Mum said "Hayley, there is no way you will want to go away and leave your baby for two weeks."

I literally laughed and told her she didn't know me very well because nothing in the world would keep me off a cruise ship.

She laughed too - at me. And said "We'll see".

Well Mummy looks like you were right again!!!!!

The end result of my attempted London Coach booking session was that Jon found me slumped in the computer chair, crying my eyes out and rambling about how I didn't want to go and leave Tyne.

And this is just over ONE night away from home.

I can't even begin to imagine what the thought of going out of the country for two weeks without him would do to me.....

I AM going to try to persevere. I've yet to brave the National Express website again so am currently still without transport, but I am going to try to force myself to go and have a good time...because I don't want to become too clingy, I don't think its good for me or Tyne.

I've been busy trying to distract myself by reading up on the show we're going to review, and looking for cheap luggage online as I've come to realise that I only own enormous suitcases or teeny weeny handbags! 
But I will certainly be making sure any future trips away without him are few and far between....and preferably avoided altogether!
Have you experienced separation anxiety? What's the longest you've been away from your little one? Or would you never do it? As always, I'd love to hear from you!



  1. It sure is a hard thing to have to leave the kids, I still deal with seperation anxiety and she is 10, it does get easier though

  2. Hugs! I can only imagine how hard that is. I think it's great to want to spend as much time with you baby as possible.

  3. Separation anxiety is the worst! I never thought I'd be a clingy mum either but I didn't stay away from Stacey until she was almost 3, and I wouldn't let her stay away from home overnight until she was 5. It's taken me until she was almost 10 to let her go on holiday with her grandparents (and I sobbed for hours when we were packing up for her to leave)!

    With Oscar, I'm trying to be more laid back and relaxed. It's not going very well at the moment though. Nathan and I are supposed to be having a night out on the 28th and both children were supposed to be staying with my mum and dad. However, I've now changed the plans so that Stacey stays overnight (her choice) but we fetch Oscar on our way home.

    It's so difficult. I don't think I want to tell you all about Stacey's first week at nursery school yet ... but I was the mardiest mum in the whole wide world :(

    Lou xxx

    Confessions of a Secret Shopper

  4. I completely understand where you are coming from! I cried my eyes out the night before my birthday (and I do mean my whole eyes!). We'd left Ethan with Adams parents so that we could get up and go to to Alton towers earlier without getting Ethan ready and dropping him round. But I struggled to deal with it, and just cried
    and cried even though he was absolutely fine! Thing is, I have always suffered with seperation anxiety. I had it with my Mum for years and even with Adam. It sucks! X

  5. Awww, it is hard but it does get easier, we've got 5 days booked in NYC without Alfie which will be the longest I've ever left him but I know he'll have a great time with the Grandparents :-) I will hate leaving him though. I hated leaving him at nursery for the first time too. Lovely post Hayley.

    Helen XX

  6. I think it's perfectly natural to worry about leaving a little person who has relied on you for the whole of his life. You'll go through the same separation crisis again when your youngest child leaves home to begin school. Visiting from UBC.

  7. In the 6 years since my youngest was born we have spent 1 night apart last year and I worried...I'm fine if I go out and my girls are at home with my fella....I have major seperation anxiety when they stay with anyone else but my

  8. As you know, Isabelle refuses a bottle so longest I've left her has been 5 hrs and I cried my eyes out both when I left her and when going home. I can't wait until she depends on me less for food as I will make more of an effort to go out. Last time it was just two hours but I was fine.

  9. This is completely normal. When I just had my 3 boys and was still with there Dad I had only had one night away from them in all their life (Morgan 4 YO & and the twins were 1) however when I split with their Dad I had to get used to having time away from them pretty quickly because he has them every other weekend. It was so hard to start with and I cried a few times to start with. I felt like my world was missing. I still do really whenever they go but you find easier ways of coping. Xxxx

  10. Sending big hugs your way lovely!
    Love your outfit! Sounds like you had a great time :) Raspberrykiss xo

  11. Aw bless! Caleb will be 1 tomorrow (21st) and Chris and I are only leaving him for the first time EVER this afternoon! He will go to Chris's mum for about 4 hours just!

  12. This was me, I didn't leave Rio once before he was about 13 months and I went back to work. People we're so self centered in trying to 'have him for the night' that it made me worse and worse..could they not see I couldn't physically leave him, or want to? He's 17 months now and ive only ever left him while I do my shift at work..then I literally run down the garden path home. Big hugs too you!!!!


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