Friday, 7 March 2014

"You Might Be 20 Weeks Pregnant...Come back in 4 weeks"

Yes, that's what I was told last week while laying on the Dr's examination table.

I have been dieting strictly for a month now - I didn't have a single takeaway in February, no fast food, no fried food, cut out sugar in my drinks, dramatically reduced chocolate and crisps - and at the end of the month, I had GAINED 6 lbs.

This was the first indicator to me that something was wrong. There's just no way that - given the change in my eating habits - a weight gain could be normal.

I then started really looking at my body in the mirror and I noticed how dramatically it has changed - I haven't been thin since my thyroid disease first developed at 18, I gained weight rapidly then - but I have always been somewhere around a 14 or 16 and comfortable with it. I'm tall, and I don't suit being thinner than a size 14.

After I had Tyne, my stomach went flatter and I felt reasonably ok apart from the saggy tummy fold you're left with immediately after a c-section.

But now, standing and looking at myself in the mirror, I realised that my middle area has really changed since he was born.

My "tummy" now seems to start from directly under my boobs - like a very round, pregnant belly - and it's very hard to the touch. It feels swollen - it's not wobbly and jelly-like as you would expect a fat tummy to be - it's very very hard.

So I decided that something was wrong and that I should pay yet another visit to the Dr.

Baring in mind that I am already regularly seeing the Dr as she is running endless blood tests on me and trying to diagnose whether or not I have fibromyalgia, lupus or rheumatoid arthritis.

I am also seeing her about my worsening and recurrent panic attacks, and am awaiting CBT sessions starting at the end of March.

So having yet another problem to see her about didn't feel great - I worry that she'll think I'm a hypochondriac.

But I went in and I told her about the weight gain, and the hard enlarged abdomen, and how depressing it was - I basically wanted her to check incase something was inflamed (I had gallbladder issues in pregnancy which has never been investigated since, so I wondered if it could be that) and if not, I wanted them to help me to lose weight as doing it on my own wasn't working.

She weighed me and agreed that I'd gained weight since they had last seen me. She then asked me to pop up on the table while she had a feel around my stomach.

She asked me if I had any pregnancy symptoms, so I said no.

She then told me the following:

"There's definitely a mass in your stomach. I can't tell what it is though. If it's a pregnancy, it's more than 20 weeks...."

I was, of course, dumbfounded from this point on.

She asked me to get down and then started talking about how she would need to book me in for a scan, and we wouldnt know what it was until then - but that it would be up to FOUR weeks before the scan date.

I was shocked.

First of all - how can a Doctor not be sure if a person is more than 20 weeks pregnant or not?!

And second of all - how could I just be left to wait a month to find out?!

The Dr was very unhelpful when I voiced my concerns.

I told her that I doubted very much that I could be pregnant, as I am on the pill and given how ill I have been lately there hasn't been much of that thing that makes a baby going on!

She simply shrugged and told me that all we could do is wait and see what the mass is when the scan is available.

I asked about pregnancy testing to rule it out - she said that pregnancy tests past 20 weeks wouldn't show anything as the pregnancy hormone has decreased by then.

So...I was left to walk out wondering whether I was pregnant by some immaculate conception which I doubted, or what else the mass that resembled a 20 week+ fetus could be.

Over the weekend I decided to go back to see a different Dr on Monday and ask for a second opinion.

Unfortunately, she was not much more helpful.

She also examined me, told me she doubted pregnancy but couldn't rule it out, but that yes there was a "fullness" there and she suspected an ovarian cyst but couldn't be sure.

She told me she would refer me for an "urgent" ultrasound scan - but I had to wait 2 days to be able to call and book it! Some urgency!

So 2 days past and I called to be told that the very earliest they could fit me in is in 9 days time!

So here I limbo.

I am now 7 days away from the scan date.

I personally know I'm not pregnant - I've had no symptoms and as I say, it would be an almost immaculate conception if I were! - so instead I've been left to worry endlessly about what on earth this thing in my stomach is, and what will happen once they've FINALLY looked at it.

Certainly NOT an ideal situation for someone already suffering with excessive panic attacks - this has certainly made them much worse.

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