Friday, 11 April 2014

Sex After Children....When Is The Right Time?

So you've just had your first baby.

The birth part is over, and now it's time to settle in to your new life as a parent.

You've read all the books, you've quizzed your Mummy're armed with knowledge and ready to conquer this Motherhood thing.

You battle through the feeding, the 2 hourly wakes in the night, the struggle as exhaustion takes over.

You fight your way through the suddenly endless mountain of laundry, the dirty nappies, the panic you now feel all the time as you constantly check the monitor convinced you heard a murmur from the nursery.....

Sex is probably the last thing on your list right now.

But when does that stop? When does sex become a priority again?

It seems that this is something that very few people want to seems almost silently expected that we will all just carry on as before with no questions asked, no concerns....just jump back in the saddle (so to speak!)

But what if it's not that easy?

And is it always that easy for everyone?

This is something that I wondered about myself.

As I've mentioned on my blog previously, I had a c-section birth with my son.

I had an absolutely wonderful birth experience and I wouldn't change it, but I was of course left with a rather large and tender scar.

The hospital didn't give me any advice on when would be the right time to be intimate again....but then in all honesty it wouldn't have mattered, as sex was just about the furthest thing from my mind.

I was sore from the surgery, I was lactating, I was bleeding heavily....I felt the least attractive I had ever felt (And as somebody who spent the majority of my pregnancy covered in hives with vomit down my top most of the time, that is really saying something!)

There was also a tiny new person in our lives....and in our bedroom....and I personally found that nothing kills any mood that may have arisen as fast as a crying infant does.

We were waking up every 2 hours for about the first 3 months, and we were both shattered.

Any time the baby was sleeping, all we wanted to do was sleep too.

As time went on, the night time routine got more settled.

We found our groove.

The parent thing became easier....much easier.

And suddenly I started to realise how long it had been since there'd been any bedroom activity.

But I simply never felt "In the mood".

I had gained so much weight after the birth, I had a scar now, my body was different....I looked in the mirror and didn't recognise myself.

The c section had left me with a hanging tummy, and my breasts had lost all former glory as they sagged and looked deflated.

Then there was the fact that our son was still in our bedroom. I'm quite an anxious parent and my son didn't move into his room at the recommended 6 months old....he stayed there until his 1st birthday.

His presence in our bedroom meant that I was never comfortable with anything happening in there.

So what's a girl to do?! 

Luckily for me my partner never put any pressure on me....he gave me "The moves" a few times and was rebuffed, but he took it well and never made me feel bad.

But I wonder how it felt for him? 

Of course, the longer these things go on for....the more of an issue they become in your mind.

I spoke to some friends about it and it seemed they had all got back into the swing of things within a matter of weeks after having their what's wrong with me?!

Tyne recently turned one, and things have now started to return to some normality ... certainly helped by him now being in his own room I'm sure.

But how unusual is a year-long dry spell after having a baby?

Am I alone in this experience? Or is everybody else just lying?!

If you enjoy my blog, please consider following me on Bloglovin'
Blogger Template Setup by fazal