Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Gender Disappointment....1 Year On.

Almost a year ago, I wrote a very personal post detailing the feelings of gender disappointment that I experienced while pregnant.

I discussed how I found out at 16 weeks that I was having a boy, and how I felt immediate disappointment after expecting to carry a girl....I was the first person on my side of the family for over 20 years to have a boy, and it was something I just hadn't expected.

I discussed in detail my struggle with those emotions, and how I eventually realised that I wasn't struggling to accept the baby boy I was carrying but grieving for the baby girl I had expected to have but wasn't.

To read that post, please click the link above.

To date, that post has been viewed over 3,000 times and has been shared on many baby & pregnancy forums by women who are experiencing the same thing that I did.

This has made me want to update the post....of course everything I said still stands and was very true at the time.

But I thought I should re-address my experience now, 14 months into life with my little boy, to show those women who are viewing that post how feelings can and do change.

When I think about how much I wanted a girl, I realise that I wanted it for very superficial reasons.

I wanted to decorate a nursery in my favourite colour - pink.

I wanted to buy frilly, lacy dresses and hair bows.

I wanted to choose pretty, feminine names.

But what I didn't realise was that - at the end of the day - the gender of a child does not determine how traditionally feminine or masculine they will be.

Having a daughter would not at all guarantee me a child that loves the colour pink, baking cupcakes, playing dress up and watching Disney Princess movies.

A daughter could easily be the kind of girl who prefers to wear jeans and trainers, climb trees, and play with trucks and trains.

Having a daughter wouldn't guarantee me a friend for life - there are so many girls who do not see eye to eye with their mothers at all, and I personally know so many men who consider their mother to be their best friend and confidante.

Having a daughter wouldn't guarantee me a closer relationship in future years with grandchildren or allow me the coveted Mother Of The Bride spot in the wedding party - who is to say my daughter would choose to have children? Who is to say my daughter would end up in a relationship with a man?
Who is to say my son won't end up in all male relationship where nobody gets to be the Maternal Grandparent?

What I'm saying is....nothing in life is guaranteed.

All of these superficial reasons I had for wanting a daughter were just that....superficial.

I'm not saying that every person who experiences gender disappointment has these same superficial reasons for it, but mine were.

At the time, I hated to hear all of the things people told me about boys.

"Oh boys are so much fun"....they said...."Boys get dirty, and climb trees, and run wild....they are so much more fun!"

At the time, that was exactly what I didn't want to hear.

Well now I have a 14 month old little boy.

I can honestly say with my hand on my heart, I would never want to change him for a girl.

In fact being the mummy of this little boy has changed my mind completely....if I get pregnant again and could choose the gender, I would honestly choose to have another boy.

He is the cheekiest, smiliest little monkey there is. 

He is over-excitable, he runs wild.

He has endless energy, he is loud and rambunctious.

He is oodles of giggles and fun, he is cuddly and affectionate. 

He always has kisses for Mummy, and he loves reading stories quietly.

He loves climbing and being thrown about wildly, his passion for life is infectious.

He is fun to dress in his smart little outfits, and looks adorable in everything.

He is prettier than most girls I know, with his ultra long lashes and big blue eyes.

He isn't defined by his gender....

He is my little boy. The one I thought I couldn't love as much as I would love a girl.

Oh how very wrong I was.

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