Sunday, 31 May 2015

Thank You

Today I woke up feeling a bit foolish for being so quick to post my little breakdown so publically yesterday...

But you know when you're in that moment, when everything is right on top of you and you feel that you can't cope and you just don't care who knows about it? 

Well, that's how I felt.

This morning I woke up wishing I'd taken some time to calm down before reacting - and wishing I hadn't allowed everybody to see me so vulnerable.

But then I saw the comments left on my Facebook page - some from readers of this blog and some from people who'd never seen it before.

The private messages to my Blogs facebook page from people who've never met me but know me from here - wanting to offer their support and their kindness.

The emails from people who took the time to seek out my contact address and send me their words of encouragement or their own stories of struggles they have had or still have.

The messages to my personal Facebook page from so many people - some old school friends, some ex work colleagues, some blogging & online friends I've never met in reality but who probably know more about me than most people who have.

The comments left on my blog posts - offering support, advice, and words of kindness.

The tweets sent showing solidarity and outrage at the harshness of trolls.

The Instagram comments of support and friendship.

All of these people - who were kind enough to take time out of their days to contact me in whichever way they could - have shown me that there is FAR more good out there than bad.

I imagined it in my mind as a wall of negativity that was just too high for me to even see over let alone get past - and, as cheesy as I know it sounds!, each comment or message was like a stepping stone - each one taking me higher until I eventually felt that wall wasn't too high to see over anymore, and that maybe I could even get over that wall completely in time.

Things are certainly feeling tough at the moment - as Jon so eloquently put it when we chatted about it all last night - right now I'm in the thick of the fog so it seems that every silver lining has a cloud and the light at the end of the tunnel is a train! I feel that I can't see the woods for the trees.

But I feel stronger now, thanks to the GOOD people out there who have reached out their hand to help me back up.

And it makes me feel that the negative people are so very insignificant.

As Jon said to me - it would be a real shame to end this blog, which I've worked so hard on for so long, on a negative note. To allow cruel people to win.

So even if it's not something I feel up to doing anymore in the long term, I shouldn't stop it right now with this sad and negative ending. 

So I'll take a little break while I have some posts scheduled in - we have a little holiday to go on this week and the timing couldn't be more perfect! I really am looking forward to the break and the change of scenery - and when I come back, Jon will take over moderating the comments for a while and deleting any harsh ones before I see them which I think will help.

A lovely lady called Angela emailed me last night and she quoted Legally Blonde to me, which is just perfect as I love that film!, and the quote really struck a chord with me:

Pretty simple, but it's true ... because do you know what? 

This ISN'T me. 

Not to let bullies get the better of me like this - I've dealt with plenty of them over the years and at the end of the day, they're to be pitied.

How truly awful to have life your life as the kind of person who likes to stamp on others and try to bring them down - as though that somehow makes your star shine any brighter?

Yes I'm struggling with lots of things at the moment, but I'll get there.

I had some truly heartbreaking emails yesterday from people who are really struggling too - but they'll get there too.

Because we're all mothers who love our babies endlessly and we know they need us at our strongest.

So to all the friends who got in touch...

and especially to the people I didn't know before who took the time to reach out to me (because reaching out to a stranger is something so special, I think)...

Angela, Rachael, Sandie, Claire, Hayley, Debbie, Emma, Leslie, Amanda, Hannah, Grace, Georgia, Laura, Julie, Shannon, Gemma, Abigail, Tracy, Kim, Stephanie, Jill, Jo, Kerri, Emily, Kirsty, Donna, Chrissy, Anna, Nicola, Rachel, Lucy, Chrissie & Tina

(Yes I wanted to name each of them individually because a group thank you just doesn't feel like its enough)

To each of you - thank you for being a friend on the other side of this screen.

You've made me feel a lot stronger, and even if I can't see you I now know you're out there reading this blog and finding some enjoyment or comfort or something good in it - and that means more than any amount of trolls just looking for the bad.

Another lovely person who I've had the pleasure of knowing for a while reminded me that I needed to "get my scouse on" as she put it - to hold my head up high and shake off the negativity - so I will "get my scouse on" and I'll leave you with a Beatles quote to sum it all up...

"I'll get by with a little help from my friends".

(It seemed so much more fitting than "I am the eggman, I am the Walrus...!" ;))

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  1. Hayley u sound so much happier & more positive already onwards & upwards, anytime u need a shoulder u shout out were here to help much love Cheryl x x x

  2. I'm so, so happy to hear this! And to hear that you're feeling a little better today! Also, how freaking awesome is your partner to not only sit up all night long talking this through with you, but to also run interference by screening the comments for you?! Such a lucky girl you are! Looking forward to reading more from you in the future. And have a great holiday! <3

  3. So pleased to hear that you woke up this morning feeling a little better. I hope that feeling continues. And as for your cute icon there....NOONE has the right to dull your sparkle! ;) You shine pretty lady!! xx

  4. Hayley, I admire you so much for posting this today especially after the post you posted yesterday. It shows how strong you really are, even if you're not thinking so right now but you are. I hope you have a lovely holiday, make sure you really do relax and it's good to hear you're taking a break from the blog for a while. Remember it will always be here when you want to write again.

  5. Don't let the narrow minded people hiding behind a screen get to you, I know it's easier said than done. I'm pleased that your followers have made the situation better because these are the people that probably know you best. The nasty people are just trying to find faults by readig one post. I haven't had any negative comments left on my blog thankfully but I did have a situation a few months ago where I'd posted a picture of myself and some kid said I was ugly. I wasn't offended by her comment but just sad that this girl felt the need to offend someone a lot older than herself, my guess is that she's probably being bullied herself, or is insecure about her own looks.

    So take a few days away from the blog and don't let the haters hate. Your doing a great job x

  6. So sorry to hear about whats been going on Hayley. i hope you have a lovely break and holiday away. i really hope you continue to do the things you do. As personally for me you are someone to aspire to be like as a begginer blogger. your posts are so lovely and interesting to read (tho i tend to read all in a block). having babies is hard work on it's own without having others dragging u down or other commitments you need to keep. hence why i gave up my netmums. i do hope you manage to keep going with this blog and look forward to reading your posts :)

  7. Yay! Never let the trolls win. Regroup and come back stronger. A break and a holiday will help so much. I hope you have a lovely time with your boys and find the balance that works for you x

  8. I am so happy to read this post. I think the break will do you so much good, and you will come back stronger than ever. Because you are strong Hayley. Posting that post, showing us your vulnerable side - that's strong. And we will all be here when you are ready to come back again. xx

  9. I keep checking back to see how you are. I am so glad I left that comment now. As I said before, you never know when that little comment can be very much needed. I have had times in the past where I have felt so alone and then randomly someone will get in touch or say something nice in passing. However small, it can make all the difference.

    I'm glad to read you are feeling positive and strong again. Here is my motto: "See the rainbow, not the rain". Hugs x

  10. I read your previous post just a second ago and I can't tell you how happy I am to see this one!! You are so strong and you will get through this! I think taking a break is a really good idea, and I hope you have a lovely time with your family on your holiday. Take the time to relax, and reconnect with yourself. I hope to see you back again soon :) xx

  11. Aww! I am so pleased you are feeling more positive about things...I am so happy to read you are feeling a little happier too....Have a wonderful holiday & that seems a great idea about Jon moderating the comments :D

  12. I'm so glad that you're feeling a lot more positive, Hayley! You're so strong and I really hope you enjoy your well deserved break and holiday with your lovely family! xxx

  13. Hurrah so happy to read this! I love reading about your family life and struggles, makes me feel normal and I totally get the post baby body worries!! Enjoy your jolly holidays xxx

  14. You've got this! I know how hard it is to read the hateful comments (BEEN THERE) and ignoring them is so much easier said than done. Back away and come back when you want to. Enjoy your vacation! Vent at me anytime.

  15. Hayley I'm so happy to read this I really am! I know we haven't spoken much but I've admired you and your blog from afar for agggges and your right it would be such a shame to end something youve built up from nothing, especially to end it on a sad note. The good people in your life are so much more important than the bad. What the trolls want is the power to get inside your head and break you down but in reality they only have as much power as you let them. Dont give them the power! :)

    Take time out for yourself and come back when you're ready. Everything will still be here <3 big hugs xxx


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