Thursday, 8 October 2015

Mother & Son

"Boys are lovely...but the bond is never quite as close as with a girl, is it?"....

"When they grow up, boys leave their families behind, it's about the womans family...that's why I'd rather have a daughter..."

"You'll never get to be Mother Of The Bride, though..."

"A son can't be your best friend like a daughter can..."

These are just a handful of the many many negative comments I've received since having my first baby boy...and of course when my second baby boy was born I heard them all over again, and they became even more frequent and even more I discussed in my post "A house full of boys" the derogatory remarks and assumptions based on their sex were both plentiful and astounding...

It's very easy to dismiss these remarks in theory and in words, but they're very much the kind of comment that stays with you....or at least they stayed with me. And they wormed their way into my mind very easily, and stayed there festering away ever since.

Were people right? Would my boys grow up only to abandon me in favour of their future partners families? Would I be cast out and uninvolved in any weddings that may be in their futures? Would I be missing out on that illusive "best friend" relationship?

It's so easy to tell a mother to be that either sex is a blessing, but when you are surrounded by people who constantly bombard you with statements like the ones's nigh on impossible not to let them worry you...especially when you're somebody like me who has no previous boys anywhere in the family...I had no comparisons to draw anywhere, no examples I could look upon for positive experiences... Mother /Daughter relationships were all around me but I knew no mothers & sons well.

I confided all of my fears and worries in my partner, and of course he reassured me from a male perspective of how much boys adore their mothers, how close they can be to them, how untrue these statements were...

But in the end, it was something I simply had to learn for myself.

And learn I did.

My eldest son is 2 and a half years old now, and I can confirm that the above statements are a load of crap.

My little boy, who is less "slugs & snails" than the majority of girls I know actually!...who is delicate, gentile and caring - is already my best friend.

He tells me that every single he snuggles up next to me on the sofa, and asks if we can have "cuddles and chat time" he sits beside me in the mornings and asks to help me put on my he helps his Daddy to catch the spiders and the bugs that I hate so much and tells me with concern "Don't worry about the spiders Mummy, we'll catch them away for you"...

I don't know what the future holds...Who knows if there'll be weddings in it for him, if there'll be a girl in it or if he'll choose a different path in life, nothing is why should I worry?

I have my own little hero, already trying to protect me at his tender age...

I have my little shadow beside me, interested in everything I'm doing and wanting to be part of it whether it's stereotypically "for boys" or not...

I have a best friend in my child...

I have my beautiful, gentle soul of a son...two of them now in fact!!

How lucky am I?

And if I'm blessed with future sons, then God give me the strength and eloquence to better deal with the small-minded people who love to try to rain on that parade...

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  1. I was told when I was pregnant that if I had a girl it wouldn't be "as good" as a boy as girls are "more independent, don't want cuddles and aren't as interested in their mums" when they are little. People make stupid comments no matter what. People are just stupid! X

  2. I have had such opposite comments about having a boy! Bless you! That must have been horrible to experience. I think having a boy is so very special. I think I was bombarded with positivity from my mother in law because she adores her boys and she showed me just how magical it is to have a boy. Lucky you having two special boys. xx

  3. Thankfully I never received any negative comments about having a boy. When I found out I was pregnant 2 years ago my hubby and I were very keen on having a boy. I don't know why I preferred to have a boy but I think maybe it has something to do with being brought up by a very male dominated family after my mum died. He might only be 15 months old but he is my best friend and I couldn't imagine ever having a girl. If I do have a little girl in the future then great but I think having a boy is fab! Nobody should ever make comments like that

  4. Oh wow. I never heard any comments like this when I had a baby but then I had a girl. I always wanted a boy first but after my daughter was born, I was so happy. I think no matter what gender our children are, our relationships with our children are beautiful and are what we make them. No one should try and minimise or comment in a way that it should worry us about being a mum, but I guess some do and thats a real shame.

  5. I can't believe that some people would say such negative things after you have a beautiful baby boy! Gobsmacked to be honest. Also, a lot of mothers and daughters are not best friends? Why do people think it's okay to tar everyone with the same brush? Grrr, so much anger!

  6. I've got a post half written about all the negative stuff I've had for having 2 boys. People are ridiculous! I love being a mum of boys, people are just talking out of their arses. I love that Tyne asks you for cuddles and chat time, that is so lovely. Noah asks me for cuddles and biscuit time hehe!

  7. As a mama of two boys i get these snide comments and ridiculous remarks from people all the time and you're absolutely right, it does begin to play on your mind after a while. But the truth is, i think boys are just as, if not, more affectionate than girls - Riley tells me every day that he loves me, that i'm his best friend, he cuddles me all the time and wants to be with me all of the time. I'm sure there will come a point in the future when he doesn't need me quite as much but i'm confident we'll always remain close. xxx

  8. It comes down to the individuals, not about whether they are sons or daughters. My son is nearly 18 and he's obviously not very cuddly anymore. He adores his family, but there have been points when we have had little in common. On the other hand, I don't have a relationship with my mother at all, so I really have no idea who it will pan out with my daughters. Fingers crossed we will get along after the teenage years ;)

  9. I lived with three boys in university and they really needed their parents all the way through their life just as much if not more than girls. Someone I know had her child's fathers mother tell her that you will never feel as close to a son's children as you will to a daughter's. Complete nonsense, strange that people think like this. Your gender says very little about you. The only thing I would say is that society often expects men to be unemotional and hide their feelings. This is where I think men need their parents because they are the only ones sometimes that they can cry to and they can be made to feel safe by

  10. I think people will just make stupid comments regardless won't they. If you had two girls I'm sure people would come up with some reason why girls aren't as good as boys, haha I really don't get it! Great post.

  11. I try my very best to ignore such comments as the ones you've received. I don't think people really think before they speak sometimes and we're (as a nation) a very negative moaning-arsed species so are inclined to retort with something 'sympathetic' to anything said lol! Get me? Like me commenting on the windy weather and someone, irrelevantly, going "well at least it isn't raining"... did I mention the rain? NO!! lol xx

  12. How can anyone say anything negative about having a boy?! Surely having a child is a special bond. Ignore the negativity, I think it's bizarre that anyone can deny that you can't have as special a relationship with your child because he's not a girl. I can tell by this post and these pictures that he adores you. Pure love in his eyes.

  13. Those nosy buggers are clearly talking crap because not everyone fits the stereotype. Your little boy sounds like the most endearing and kindhearted soul so they should see him now x

  14. I could not agree more. I am a mum of two boys too and the love I get from them is so special. I do hope that I will not be the grandparent that gets left out as I will be the mother in law. I hope they will still visit me when they get a partner.

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  16. I had two girls before I had my son and we had loads of negative comments about having two girls , you can't win can you as people seem to have an opinion on everything. I love having a little boy and hope as he grows that we have a lovely bond like you and Tyne do xx


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