Wednesday, 3 February 2016

My Top 5 Parenthood Pet Peeves

It goes without saying that raising children is one of the greatest blessings in life, and of course ALL of us love our children beyond words and well up with pride at all of the little things they do.

Show me a mum who doesn't get teary watching her little one ride a bike for the first time or who couldn't cry with pride when they first decide to share something with their sibling - something about parenthood seems to turn us all immediately into emotional saps and we could all spend our lives waxing lyrical about just how much we love them.

I get it. I feel that way too.

But, let's get real for a moment - as much as we all have those moments of utter joy and pride...don't we also have moments where actually they're driving us absolutely nuts and we're staring at the clock counting down to the seconds to bedtime even though it's only 11.30 am?!

Sometimes it's not even the kids themselves that do it to me their cuteness makes up for any strops or tantrums! -  but the many many little annoyances that go along with owning small people which keep cropping up throughout my day tend to chip away at my cheerful demeanour ...

Of course they're nothing major in the grand scheme of things, but I often I only the only parent out there who finds these things annoying?! What other things do people get annoyed by?!

So what are my parenthood pet peeves?

What are those little, seemingly insignificant things that manage to combine together to wear my patience thin?

Well to be honest there are thousands of them, but for the sake of are my top 5:

1) Soggy Wet Bath Toys

This has to be my number 1 greivance of having small people at home - nobody warned me that they come with a need for bath toys!

Bath toys sound pretty harmless, don't they?

At first I made the mistake of thinking they were cute and I allowed them into my home in plentiful quantities....rookie mistake....those adorable little squeaky ducks I bought 2 years ago now sit along the side of my bath looking mouldy and disgusting..but I'm never allowed to throw them away because they're the toddlers "favourite thing ever".

When I dare to pick them up to try to move them out of view, they assault me with a blast of icy cold days old disgusting bath water and leave me recoiling in terror and looking something like this....

I can't get in or out of the bath without knocking off the sodding bathketball hoop (Seriously....BATHket ball?! WHY?! Who thought that was a cute idea?! ) or the minging mouldy looking turtle full of bathtime instruments (like bathtime isn't noisy enough without instruments?!) and sending everything crashing around the bathroom.

The pervy little pirate man watches me in the shower and I swear he's grinning at me....I have to turn him to face the wall or I just can't relax!

And whoever invented bath crayons..well, let's just say I've dreamt up special kinds of torture reserved especially for them!

2) Evil Toys

It starts from the moment you get a new toy have an over excited child just desperate to get into the box and play with their newest object of desire..."Can you open it please, Mummy?" they ask with glee...and you nervously agree, praying that this time it won't happen...

But it does...that inconspicuous looking little plastic figure is held inside that box with all manner of twisty wires, screws and bizzare holding contraptions that requires a degree in physics to undo.

You need scissors, screwdrivers and a blowtorch just to get inside the box...all the while your child is becoming ever more impatient and ever more whiney as you slowly lose the will to live...

Once the toy is finally free you're left to nurse your paper cuts and dispose of enough cardboard to keep Amazon going for a year, until you hear those terrifying words "Oh but mummy, it needs those little round batteries...."

And so it's back out with the screwdrivers (coz battery compartments have screws these days! Thanks for that Evil Toy Makers!) , checking every remote control in the house for batteries that might work....

And once you've finally managed to get it working, it's a matter of mere hours before its discarded somewhere....for you to step on barefoot one evening....or to terrify you to the depths of your soul as you're sitting trying to relax with a glass of wine only to hear the creepy sound of "Eh ohhhhh baybeeee....." coo-ing from under the sofa....

3) The sock eating monsters

Why is it that no matter how many pairs of socks I buy....and I seem to buy them every time I leave the house....there are NEVER any actual complete pairs in their sock drawers when I need them?!

They're not in the laundry basket, they're not in the washing machine, they're not ANYWHERE....There's just a drawer full of single, mismatched socks without their intended life partners....WHY?! WHO IS EATING ALL OF THE SOCKS?!?!?!?!

4) The Back Of The Car = Basically The Depths Of Hell

I remember before I had my own kids...I got into the back seat of my sisters car one time and my stomach basically turned at how disgusting it was - there were weeks old fries on the floor, half bottles of baby milk (her youngest child hadn't even drunk from a bottle for about a year...), approximately 2 feet of discarded toys, books and magazines...half packets of quavers...dried up wet wipes...

"OMG" I thought to myself...."Why would you EVER allow your car to get into this state?! Just because you have a few kids...that's no excuse for this kind of sloppiness!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA how blissfully unaware I was! 3 years and 2 kids on...let's just say if you find yourself in the back of my car anytime soon, be prepared to be met with days old fries, approximately 2 feet of discarded toys and books, half packets of get the picture!

If you don' looks a lot like this:

5) Food Rationing

Back when I just had the one child, I remember feeling so guilty at night when I'd tuck in to chocolate or crisps without him...he loved experiencing new foods and treats and I just LOVED to share with the point where I'd save things until he was awake just so he could try some.

As that child started to get older, I slowly started to change my stance when he started to want to "share" every single thing I had - and by "share" I mean take all of - I couldn't even have a glass of water without him crying if I didn't "save him some"....

These days, I have 2 children...the youngest is only 10 months old and already he reaches for my glass and helps himself to half of what I'm drinking...he sits at my feet when I eat cereal and cries until I give him some....meanwhile his brother is standing by with evil ever-seeing eyes, warning "Don't forget to save me some Mummy..."

By the time my third child is eating solids, I fear I will have wasted away entirely....

So there you have it, my top 5 Parenthood Pet Peeves!

What are the little things about parenthood that grind your gears!? As always, I'd love to hear from you!

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