Wednesday, 9 March 2016

A letter to the new Big Brother...

Dear Tyne,

You're a big brother again...for the second time in only 11 months!

It's fair to say that none of us expected to be welcoming two babies so close together, and it's kind of knocked us all for six a little bit...but you're taking it all in your stride.

You seem to think it's pretty normal to have a lot of new babies around, why wouldn't you?

You're used to're used to Mummy being pregnant, you're used to her going to hospital for a couple of days and bringing home a new baby, you're used to all of the fuss.

You do the big brother job so well...better each time it seems! You pour and coo over the baby, exclaiming how cute and adorable he is, how happy you are that he's a boy, how excited you are for him to get older and play with you.

You love it when visitors come to meet him, and demand they say hello to him and take a look at chat with them about what a good baby he is, and how pleased you are about his arrival.

And I'm so pleased that you're so happy about it, and I'm so grateful that you've taken both of your little brothers arrivals so well.

But I can't help but feel guilty.

As much as I know that you love having these little babies in your life, and as much as I know that it will be so lovely for you to grow up with these two brothers so close in age to you...hopefully two buddies for you for life!...I can't help but notice how much things have changed for you since their arrivals.

We had two years before Noah arrived where it was just Daddy, Mummy and Tyne...we were a trio, we did everything together and we fit a lot of fun stuff in to that two years! We had lots of little family holidays and trips, we went to all of the theme parks, we had so many days out...and we have all of the photos and videos to remember all of those times, which is so lovely to look back on.

But I know you won't truly won't a remember a time before the two babies were here...when you had us all to yourself...when the three of us was just the three of us.

A time when you weren't the last one to be taken out of the car, because you're the oldest and you can wait the longest...

A time when you didn't have to be told that you can't have a carry around the shops because Mummy's got the baby in the wrap, and Daddy's got Noah in his arms coz he can't walk yet...

A time when you didn't have to be told "Just wait a moment because I'm feeding/changing/burping the baby..." whenever you ask for something or for someone to play with you...

A time when you didn't have to wait until after the baby's bedtimes before you could get out your lego toys with the little pieces that they might put in their mouths...

A time when you weren't told "We can't go to that place today, because the babies are too little for it..."

Once upon a time you were the sole centre of our universe, and whenever you asked us to play with you...we could. Whenever you asked for more stories at bedtime, you got them. Whenever you asked to go someplace, we did our best to take you.

And I remember those times so fondly, they were some of my favourite times of all...but you won't remember them, and that breaks my heart a little.

Today you asked me for a cuddle...I was feeding Sailor and I had Noah on my knee because he's poorly right now and was having a little cry...I tried to cuddle you as much as possible but you said "Please put the babies down mummy"...

I had to tell you that I couldn't right now. Your little face looked so sad and dejected.

As soon as Sailor was done feeding I put him straight down and gave you that cuddle but you were
over it by then and not too interested.

You probably won't remember that moment, but I will.

I'm sorry that you have to be the one that waits the longest.

I'm sorry that you don't always have our undivided attention anymore.

I'm sorry that you have to share us with your brothers now and that maybe it feels like there isn't as much time for you.

I'm sorry that the visitors go straight for the baby and sometimes forget to say hello to you for a while, or pay as much attention to you as they did before.

I hope you don't feel like you're not as important because you are...the other babies are a little needier right now, and sometimes we have to ask you to wait...but you're still my baby, my biggest baby...and we love you just as much as ever.

I hope the fun you have with your brothers in the future makes up a little for the waiting you've had to do since they came along.

I hope you don't remember ever feeling anything less than the center of my world...because you always are, even when I have to ask you to wait.

Lots Of Love,
Mummy xx

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