Friday, 29 July 2016

Ways I Know I'm Getting Old



I turn 35 at the end of Summer, and as much as I try not to pay my age too much attention (and make all the usual "It's just a number!" protests) - I feel as though lately I've been feeling my age more.

Not in a physical sense (in a physical sense, if I'm honest, I feel at least 50 most days thanks to the tag team efforts of my baby sons not to let me sleep!) but more in a "Oh my god, did I really just say that?! How OLD am I?!" sort of way.

Because lately it seems that throughout my day, certain things will present themselves to me and I will be overcome with a complete lack of understanding of modern life - and I hear myself utter words like "That's not music, it's just noise"  - and I realise that it's finally happened...I am suddenly OLD.

Here are 5 things that have recently helped me to realise that I am getting old:

1) Crazy On Trend Eyebrows

 Recently I went into a MAC store to buy some new make up. Nothing makes me feel quite so old these days as visiting a makeup counter, and here's why - I sit there, having my make up done by one of the super friendly and bouncy enthusiastic girls as they try to sell me their latest overpriced bit of rubbish - knowing full well that I am ONLY leaving with the same foundation I have been buying for the past 10 years, and as they chat away to me with all of the usual pleasantries I find myself staring in absolute awe at their eyebrows.

I cannot stop gawping at them and wondering WHY?! Why are girls these days doing that to their faces?!

WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K is going with young peoples eyebrows these days?!?!

Back in my day (Did you see what I just said?! I told you, I'm OLD!) the "in" thing was to pluck your eyebrows as thin as you could get them - I spent many a day hiding in the loos at college feeling all of the shame when my brows had started to grow back and  hadn't had chance to pluck them - so to see girls today WILLINGLY sporting massive bushy caterpillar brows, and actually DARKENING them to make them even more prominent - it leaves me pretty bewildered.

WHY are bushy brows cool now?! When did this happen?! Is it all because Cara Delevingne decided it was ok?! What's next...are we all going to stop shaving our legs if Cara does it first? NO! Just No! I am so not ok with this trend!



2) Brooklyn Beckham Having A Twitter Account

AND a girlfriend...and a modelling contract...And just being an actual bonafide grown up human, for that matter.

HOW can it be that Brooklyn Beckham is actually old enough for any of these things?!

Because I SWEAR it was only 5 years ago MAXIMUM that the Spice Girls released that whiny Goodbye song (that I definitely didn't buy and know all of the words to...) and Posh was pouting around in the video with a massive pregnant belly - There is NO WAY that fetus is already old enough to be on Twitter!! Surely?! 

Step away from the Calvin Klein contracts ManChild, I am not ready for this to be happening!

(And do not even get me started on Madonna's newborn daughter Lourdes modelling in the Stella McCartney ads...)



3) Trends Of My Youth Are Coming Back Again

I remember as a teenager whenever I'd buy a new item of clothing, my mum would always look at it and say something totally cringe like "Oh wow, I remember when those were "in" first time around! I had a pair just like those!" - and I remember being mortified at the thought of my MOTHER wearing the same clothes as me - you know, because she was so old and uncool.

So now when I'm walking around New Look (a task which on its own already makes me feel pretty ancient) and I see denim dungaree dresses and floral bomber jackets on the rails, and my mind says "Oh I remember when those were "in" first time around!"...  I'm hit with the sudden realisation that now it's me who is old and uncool.

Sorry Mum. Maybe you weren't quite as old as I thought?!


4) Loud Music In Places Annoys Me

And I use the phrase "I can't hear myself think in here..."

Enough said.



5) My Son Refers To My Childhood As "The Olden Days"

Whenever I'm re-telling a story from "When I was a little girl" he always comes back at me with "Was that in the olden days mummy? When you were little?"

And the sad thing is, when I actually stop and realise that the 80s - days of my childhood, of ra-ra skirts and Bananarama-Dance Offs with my cousin - actually ended TWENTY SEVEN years ago, I realise that he's not actually that far off.

I remember when my Dad would regale me with tales of all of the aspects of his childhood that seemed so very alien to me in the high-tech times of 1985 - telling me all about black & white tvs, living in something called a "PreFab" and the days of betamax and thinking "Whoah...he's like REALLY old..."

Never did I think that my own children would have the same thoughts when I mention things like cassette tapes, and dial up internet.

How depressing?!?!

So I guess it's true...I really am getting older...but do you know what?... if being young means wearing bomber jackets and having massive eyebrows then count me out!! Now...where are my slippers?!




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