Monday, 5 September 2016

Dear Nursery Teacher, On My Son's First Day....

Dear Nursery Teacher,

I know that you're probably sick and tired of parents like me today, fretting over leaving their precious children with you for the very first time.

Bombarding you with questions, barking instructions at you, seeking reassurance as they walk out of the door.

I know that this is what you do every day, and that you've probably come across countless worrying parents like me before .

Parents who think that their child is the most precious of all the ones in your care today, parents who think they're the only ones who've ever felt this nervous.

I know that this isn't true - I know how annoying I'm being - I know that my child is no more precious or special than any other child (except to me), I know that this is something all children and all parents go through and I know that to many people it isn't a big deal at all....maybe it shouldn't be to me either, but I have my reasons. 

I know that you probably just want me to hurry up and leave, as kind as you're being to me, because you know that my child will settle so much quicker without me there.

I know that you think if I just left you to get on with your job, that it would all be so much easier for everyone involved.

I know that you take pride in your job, and that you'll do everything in your power to help my little boy, along with all of those other children that are in the same boat, settle in to their new nursery today.

I know that you want them to enjoy their time here with you, to learn as much as you can possibly teach them, to make an impression on them that will last all of their lifetime.

I don't underestimate your role in their lives - you are the first bit of paint on the blank canvas of their education and what a powerful and important position that is to hold...I appreciate all you will do for my son and his classmates over the coming year.

And I know that my child is just another one in your class of many today who needs your attention, that he's just another student of the countless ones you've probably taught over the years....another child on another first day of school....I know he's no more deserving of any special attention than any other child is.

I know you've probably done this all before so many times before...

But I haven't.

Today will be the first time that I have ever sent my child off into a place where I am not with him.

Where he will spend 6 hours in the care of a person that I've only met once before....that he has never met at all.

It is the first time that I will have to walk away when he cries for me instead of running to him.

It's the first time that I'll walk out of a building that I entered hand in hand with him, alone.

It's the first time that I'll spend the day wondering what he's doing, if he's ok, if he's eaten his lunch, if he was brave enough to ask for help opening his packet of crisps, if someone is keeping a watch over him, making sure he stays out of trouble and doesn't get hurt, making sure that he's being treated kindly and treating others kindly too.

It will go against every single instinct I have to prize his hands off me when he asks me not to leave today, as he inevitably will...he's dreaded this day for weeks now, and I know he'll be emotional.

It goes against every fibre of my being to ignore his calls for me, to walk out of that building and leave him there...without me, without any of the people he knows and get on with it alone.

I know that he has to do that. I know that every child has to do that, and that every parent has to face it.

I know that I'm not the first mum who walked out of those doors today, got into her car and sobbed.

I won't let him see me upset, I won't let him know that I'm anxious about it...I will keep on being excited and telling how fantastic nursery will be, and how much fun he'll have - but when he's out of view, I know I'll be in tears.

I know I'm  being dramatic, and that he'll be just fine -  that he'll end up loving it and asking to go back every single day (or at least I really hope he will).

I know that I'm worrying too much.

But when you suffer with anxiety like I do, when you had the not so nice school experiences that I had...and well, when you're just a silly Mummy who is a bit too sensitive can be difficult not to.

So please, when you're dealing with him today...when I walk out of the door and leave him with only you to look to for reassurance and support, please remember that while he might just be another little boy in your class to you...he is my whole entire world.

And this is the very first time that he has looked around a room and not seen a familiar face within it.

I remember how daunting that feeling was.

So please watch over him and keep him safe for me, he's in your protection today....not mine, and that's so much for me to accept.

Please be patient with him if he cries a while longer than you'd like.

And please, if you can spare an extra moment just give his hand a squeeze for me and tell him it'll be all be ok...that mummy will be back soon.

Please treat him kindly as he experiences the world alone for the very first time, the experience he has with you today could shape so much of his future.

You have my whole heart in your hands today - please take really good care of it. I know you will, for me and for all of the other mummies and daddies who feel like this today too.

With Thanks,

A very nervous Mummy 

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