Friday, 23 September 2016

Rant Alert: Happy Mum-Birthday To Me

You know how, when you become a parent, some things automatically seem to have a fresh injection of magic to them and become so much more enjoyable than they were before?

Christmas for example -which was a perfectly enjoyable and lovely time of year pre-kiddies of course, but once seen through the eyes of your child it suddenly takes on a whole new level of magic, right? you know what occasion that rule doesn't apply to?

Birthdays as a Mum.

Now maybe it's just me who feels this way and has these experiences, Facebook seems to confirm the fact that every other Mum around me has an Instagram-Perfect birthday every single year ...but in my experience, mum-birthdays are pretty much a massive let down, are they not?!

Remember Alice in Wonderland and her Un-Birthday celebration where they did a 50 Cent and partied like it was her birthday (Go Shawty..) even though it wasn't?

Well Mum-Birthdays are pretty much the exact opposite of that...coz it IS your birthday...but nobody really gives a shit!

Now I realise that there's very little chance of me writing this post and getting it all off my chest without sounding like an ungrateful entitled brat, but I'm just going to have to take that chance because I feel the need to rant a bit...

Motherhood is wonderful. 

It's so much more wonderful and amazing than I ever thought it would be. 

And I am not complaining about it, or about my kids even - they're babies, they have no level of understanding about these things yet, they can't help it.

But when you're the mum, you are usually (not always, but often) the one who spends months planning out all of the important events in your family's calendar...

You're usually the one who stresses for months beforehand about which birthday gifts to buy (to be opened in front of a surprised faced other half who is just as clueless to what's inside the present as the birthday child is, in our house at least....)

You're usually the one who decides which birthday cake to make or choose, what party theme to go with, where to celebrate, and so on.

You're usually the one who makes sure that everything goes smoothly on the day, that the candles get lit and happy birthday gets sung,  and that everyone has a nice time and goes home with a party bag that is age and diet appropriate.

And you're usually the one that breathes a huge sigh of relief at the end of the day when your loved ones have had a great day, and it's all over with for another year.

So when your own birthday rolls around, it can be easy to make the mistake of expecting a nice day where your loved ones try to make things special for you and give you a few treats maybe.

Not necessarily gifts, but a nice handwritten card from your child full of ineligible but meaningful squiggles, maybe a little breakfast in bed- just a simple bit of jam on toast presented by clumsy little hands even if it means the orange juice ends up all over your duvet, maybe even some hand picked or specially chosen flowers if you're extra lucky...

I had high hopes last week of maybe having some sunflowers presented to me from my little boy after having spent a whole summer dropping hints to his Dad about how much I love them...

I even hoped that maybe my little trio would gather around my birthday cake to help me blow out the candles...not grand dreams I'm sure you'll agree, I'm not asking for fendi bags and the moon on a stick here...all pretty basic desires, are they not?!

Well...wasn't I about to end up sorely disappointed.

Instead my day went something like this:

*Wake Up - come down stairs hopeful of a birthday greeting...maybe my OH has remembered that we usually put banners and balloons up in the living room for family birthdays?! That'd be nice....

Walk into the living room, everything looks just like I left it last banners or anything, Oh well, nevermind - I'm a grown up after all and they'd only drive me mad after a day or two anyway....Moving on...

*Breakfast time...nobody is forthcoming with offers of tea etc, so I make myself a bowl of cereal, and give 80% of it to the baby who is climbing up onto my knee and screaming in my face for it. Much like any other day.

*Present time!!...admittedly I was spoiled with some very lovely gifts which I am very grateful for (MAC make up lessons, a Project Life kit, a Kate Spade planner, lots of lovely PJs, and of blingy loo brush among other things!)...if I was the kind of person who valued gifts over sentimental moments I would be thrilled actually, of course I didn't get to actually open any of them myself as my 3 year old did it all for me but that's fine...he's excited! I'm happy for him to open them....

It was his cries of "UGH! NOT FOR ME AGAIN! ALL FOR MUMMY! WHERE'S MY PRESENTS?! THIS BIRTHDAY IS RUBBISH!" which were a bit of a buzzkill...

*I'm aware that a lot of effort WAS made with presents, which was lovely....For this I am very grateful!

*Present time cut short by 3 years old tantrums and 1 year old's refusal to accept that he's not allowed to eat the wrapping paper or brush his hair with my new toilet brush...presents ferried upstairs out of the way before I've even really looked at them, cue many tears from both children who weren't finished trying to break them....

*Time for some birthday chocolates! That will calm the kids down and mean a moment of peace and birthday enjoyment for me....Oh no it won' will mean 10 minutes of them climbing all over me,  and fighting each other for the last Strawberry cream (my favourites...of which I ate none...)

*Time to go out for dinner! Although not in peace, as despite my sister offering to babysit for us - my toddler refuses to stay with anyone but us and so, for a quiet life, we're taking him with us....But at least the 1 year old has gone to bed ready for her arrival...

*Just about to head out of the door...THUMP!....Oh look at that! Tonight is the night that the 1 year old learns how to scale the cot and he's now jumped out of it head first! Perfect timing!! Cue lots of cuddles, and crying...and us now 20 minutes late for our table booking, leaving a wide awake Noah for my sister to deal with and get back to bed....perfect

*Arrive at the restaurant which you chose because they write the names of birthday celebrators on the pretty blackboard outside which will make for a lovely Instagram snap! (#BloggerLife) ...

You mentioned this to your partner ages ago so you excitedly walk around the corner to take your snap, confident of seeing your name there...because, ya know, you TOLD him that was why you wanted to go there...

Instead all it says is "Happy Birthday Rob"....Oh right, so he didn't bother to ask them to write you a message then....of course not, why would he?!! Nevermind, at least bloody Rob is having a nice birthday...whoever he is...

*Rush through your dinner because you're worried about the cot scaling 1 year old at home, and the 3 yr old is driving you mad by constantly crawling under the table every 20 seconds and refusing to just sit bloody still....but you look forward to the birthday cake coming out for dessert at least... (You KNOW there's a birthday cake, because you TOLD your other half you wanted one and to let your kids choose it...and you saw it in the kitchen, so there's DEFINITELY CAKE)

*....Nope, he didn't bring the birthday cake. So it's sitting in the kitchen, still in its box. Where it will remain, next to the unlit packet of candles, because apparently you have to light your own candles and present yourself with your own cake or else it will never get done?!

So there we have it...birthdays in our house certainly ARE a time of magic and wonder and long as I'm the one organising them.

If it's my birthday? Forget it!!!

What pains me about all of this is that I am SO not a person who likes to stereotype men/Dads as useless, because they're not - in fact even my other half isn't usually that bad, he's very hands on with the kids and the housework and all of that stuff...and usually it bugs me to see sweeping generalisations about rubbish men....But sometimes it's just true.

So yes I'm sure I'm being a special little snowflake and, as my OH so kindly pointed out to me today, these are "first world problems" - but it's my party birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

Happy Mum-Birthday To Me!

**I filmed a little vlog, and managed to make it look like a lovely relaxing birthday and meal out...which isn't entirely accurate...amazing what a bit of folk music over the top can do to change the whole feel of a day!**

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