Sunday, 24 December 2017

10 Random Things I Hate - The Christmas Edition!

A while ago I wrote a spur of the moment post called 10 Random Things I Hate and I actually kept it in my drafts for months because I thought it wasn't the kind of thing anyone would be interested in reading.

One day, when I was struggling for content, I posted it...and surprisingly it was and continues to be one of my most read posts! So given the fact that I have a lot of hate for a lot of random things in life, I thought why not get on my soap box once again but this time with a festive twist?!

'Tis the season to be jolly....well pissed off by a lot of things, apparently!

So here they are, 10 random things that get my tinsel in a twist around the Christmas season!

1. Proper crap Christmas songs

Now don't get me wrong...I am no Christmas-music snob. There is absolutely zilch music snobbery about me...get a few proseccos down me and you'll find me belting out Band Aid and Fairytale Of The New York with the best of them, and I dare say I'd give Mariah a run for her money when it comes to warbling out All I Want For Christmas (...not that I can sing it well, I just reckon I probably know more of the words than she does these days...)...but there are one or two much-loved and MUCH OVERPLAYED Christmas songs that just leave me cold.

Boney M...I'm looking at you, guys. I'm sorry...I know people love it, my own partner loves it! (and insists on whacking the volume up every time it comes on in the car, despite my pained cries)...but Marys Boy Child? Is just a SHIT song. It's got no rhythm, you absolutely cannot dance to it no matter how many Proseccos you have and's just crap! As is Little Drummer Boy.....and DEFINITELY "Simply having a wonderful Christmas time"....soz Macca, it's like nails down a chalkboard to me every time it comes on! #SorryNotSorry

2. Forced Human Contact

I'm just not a hugger, ok?! I don't like to be touched. I don't like kisses on the cheek. I don't like anyone stepping inside my arms-length bubble of personal space but there's something about Christmas Day that means everyone and his mother suddenly feel the need to bring out the hugs and kisses. Sorry but no! It's as awkward and unwanted on December 25th as it is every other day of the bloody year...step off!!!

3. People Who Don't Like Christmas....and LOVE to talk about it!

Those I like to refer as "Too Cool For Yule" know the ones, they're usually the people who like to complain about the Christmas being played "too early" in shops or the price of Christmas cards these days, or how it's all just over-commercialised. They also have a tendency to sneer in the direction of Christmas jumpers and hats and just generally go around thinking that they are above Christmas, that they are somehow too good for Christmas.

Well let me tell you something Ebeneezer, YOU are not too good for Christmas....Christmas is too good for YOU!

4. The Anti-Elf Brigade

These ones reeeeeally grind my gears! The elves I refer to are...of course...Elf On The Shelf, because for some reason the presence of a simple DOLL designed to add to the magic of Christmas for children seems to incite an unparalleled level rage and anger in some people, to the point that they seem to become completely incapable of keeping their frustration inside.

So instead they take to their social media pages in droves to spew their elf hatred and band together in little clubs of misery, cackling to themselves on Facebook threads about how "evil" the elf looks, how it would scare their children and how it's a waste of time or money...yada yada yada.

Instead of...Oh I don't know....maybe just choosing not to partake in it if they don't wish to, and then shutting the f**k up and allowing those who like it to crack on and enjoy it without having to constantly endure their endless whining and moaning? Just a suggestion!

5. Totally Unthoughtful Gifts 

I know, I know....we're supposed to be grateful for any gifts that somebody uses their hard earned money to bestow upon us but do you ever just open a gift and know that it wasn't so much sent with the spirit of Christmas but rather with an air of "I HAD to buy something for you because I'm obliged to for whatever reason but I reeeeeally couldn't be arsed giving it a single iota of thought"?

Case in point...One Christmas I received a bottle of cheap plonk (its price doesn't matter, I'm merely illustrating that it wasn't an expensive something "To Look Forward To" bottle of wine)....I was 7 months pregnant at the time. Hmmm....not sure what the thought process was there?!

6. The Price Of Sending A Bloody Christmas Card

I know I just said that people shouldn't moan about it...but OH EM GEE have you seen the price of stamps these days?! 65 p?!!!

I honestly don't know that I 65p's-worth-like many people on my Christmas card list?!

7. Having My Gift-Opening Reaction Watched In Detail

Is there ANYTHING in the world more awkward and excruciatingly cringe than opening a gift while the gift giver is watching?  So that you end up making that reeeeally OTT happy face and put on that totally fake "Oh wooooow I looooove it!" high pitched voice that you've never even heard before that moment. there is not.

8. People Who Take Their Deccies Down & Declare The End Of Christmas...On Boxing Day!

I literally feel like going on a de-friending binge every single Boxing Day when I see my timeline flooded with these people who like to declare their lack of Festive-Stamina to the world with the "Christmas over for another year! Deccies all down, tree back in attic!" posts on Boxing Day.

Umm...who died and put you in charge of the social calendar?! Christmas is NOT over at the stroke of 12 on Boxing's called the 12 DAYS of Christmas. TWELVE!! Take your tree down if you must, but don't go around declaring Christmas is over! I'm not ready to hear that sort of negativity on Boxing Day!

9. Christmas Shamers

There is NOTHING that winds me up about Christmas more than feeling the need to constantly justify how much we spend/how many gifts we choose to buy and what percentage of them come from Santa.

It is each individual persons call how much they spend, and where they choose to say the gifts came from....I'm sick of being told that I'm somehow single-handedly responsible for the hurt feelings of children that might somehow hear that my kids get all of their gifts from Santa and worry that they didn't get as many from him because they were naughty.
It seems that people are all for sticking to family traditions just as long as the traditions are in keeping with what THEY think is the right way to do things....well in our family, the tradition was that all of our Christmas gifts came from Santa. My parents didn't buy us anything at all! So I choose to keep up the tradition that I grew up with because that's what feels like Christmas to me. Soz if you don't like it!

I'm also sick of people throwing phrases like "Presence not presents" around in the direction of parents like myself who choose to buy a fair few gifts as though the fact I buy a lot of things somehow automatically means that I'm doing so to make up for never being around for my kids. Actually, they get both my presence pretty much 24/7 AND presents so could you stop with the judging Sharon?! Cheers! 

I have no issue with anyone choosing to do Christmas differently to us - buy as much or as little as you like, but just leave other people be to make their own choices yeah?!

10. Sprout Hate

I mean...seriously....what is wrong with people?! Why can everyone not understand that sprouts are the BEST vegetable and one of THE best parts of Christmas dinner?! I'm no vegetable advocate under normal circumstances but sprouts are bloody delicious! I don't understand why they get such bad press?!

What things bust your baubles about Christmas?! Spill it all in the comments below! It's therapeutic, honest!

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