Tuesday, 19 June 2018

Dear Mother Of All Boys

A guest post by my partner, Jon

Dear Mother Of All Boys,

I'm writing this letter to you because I want to reassure you.

Because it seems as though mums of sons are a little hard done by in today's society.

My partner & I have 3 sons.

And in the 5 years since our first born arrived, I've already lost count of the number of times I've seen her upset by the ridiculous sayings and phrases so often thrown carelessly at mothers of boys.

You know the ones - "A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he finds a wife" and all of that nonsense.

A saying that's been around forever and has probably created more anxiety and worry than can ever be calculated.

But I promise you, that's all it is.

Just a stupid saying.

A meaningless collection of words that rhyme. 

Thrown about by 'well meaning' ( though possibly slightly unpleasant or jealous) people. Those who revel in stealing another's moment of joy, or are just too inconsiderate to appreciate how truly hurtful these words can be to a woman.

A woman who adores her child, loves him beyond anything she ever thought possible and who can't help but break at the thought that he might one day forget her. 

I know you have to try to ignore these hurtful comments, and tell yourself they're not true...but I want you to REALLY believe that they're not. Because if my partner is anything to go by, it's one thing to say you don't believe these spiteful words but it's another to truly mean it. It's difficult sometimes not to let them seep in and take a hold of you.

But I want to assure you - as the son of a wonderful woman myself - t
he bond between a mother and son is, as you already know, a special one. A truly unbreakable one.

There's nobody in the world as magical and regal to a little boy as his mother.

You are his first example of love in this world. His first experience of comfort. His shining beacon of all that is right, and good, and true in life. 

You are his everything.

You are his guardian angel.

You are what "home" is.

And sure, he might start to think he's independent as he gets older and that he needs you less....love interests may come along and turn his head....and one day, he'll leave the nest and you'll worry that it's happening...that he's leaving you behind for good. But deep down... he'll always be that little boy.

No matter what age you are - you always need your mum.

There's nobody else that can kiss away a grazed knee, or soothe away a hurtful word, or ease the pain of a broken heart like a mother can.

You are the constant in your sons life.

But like with so many aspects of modern life, the credit for his feelings and emotions are taken away by society...simply because he's a boy.

Nobody says these things about females...even though we all know that mother & daughter relationships are never guaranteed to be the "best friend for life" that they promise to be, that they can be frought with tensions and difficulties just like any other relationship. But because a daughter is the female of the species...she's assumed to be sensitive, and caring, and thankful to her mother.

While the male is cold, and unfeeling, and ungrateful.

You're led to believe that your love for him and all you've done together over the years will be so quickly forgotten, purely because he's a male and therefore automatically devoid of the ability to appreciate you. To remember. To love you.

But trust me, you will still be loved.

When he's 16 and thinks he's too cool to be seen with you, and he's more interested in dousing himself in way too much Lynx Africa than could ever be necessary ...he will still love you and need you.

When he's 21 and moving out of home, and sometimes gets too distracted with life to remember to call every day...he will still love you and need you.

When he's 35 and his firstborn is keeping him awake all night long, and he feels like he doesn't know what he's doing...he will still love you and need you.

And when he's 46 years old, and it's been more than 20 years since he last saw you alive....and he can still remember your smell, and the reassurance and comfort it brought. You will still be loved. So very loved. And missed. So very missed.

So Mothers Of Boys, please don't listen to the naysayers. Pay no attention to these hurtful words.

Love your boys, raise them well, and rest easy in the knowledge that it will never be forgotten. And that you can NEVER be replaced in their hearts.

And feel sad for the people who speak these words...they'll never know the incredible bond you have.

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