Tuesday, 12 February 2019

My Baby Is 3...

Dear Sailor James,

I remember so very clearly sitting on the sofa with my 6 week old baby in my arms, feeling a little nauseous and wondering why I could smell that familiar "phantom smell" I always picked up whenever I was pregnant.

I remember the fleeting thought of "Could I be pregnant?..." passing through my mind, and then quickly dismissing it as I snuggled my newborn baby into my chest. Imagine that!! No...surely not.

But as we soon found out just a week later when I decided to take a test to "put my mind at rest"...oh yes, I absolutely was pregnant.

6 weeks postpartum or not, you were on your way.

My little surprise baby. My SHOCK baby. My "Oh my god can this really be happening" baby.

I didn't announce your impending arrival until I was 6 months along, because I was worried about your brother not being given a chance to just be the focus of attention for a while.

And oh how I worried throughout my pregnancy that I wouldn't be able to give either one of you, let alone your oldest brother - then only 3 himself, enough attention.

That one of you would feel left out. That you wouldn't get along. That you'd always be fighting for attention.

I worried endlessly about those things, as well as how we would ever manage with TWO babies at once.

But we did manage. And whether it was down the sheer madness of life with two babies and a toddler or not, the years seem to have shot by in a flash.

We had two babies at once, but already that feels like such a distant memory.

We had two 2 year olds at once, and again it feels like it was a lifetime ago.

And now...as of today, and for the next 6 weeks until your brothers birthday...we have two 3 year olds.

I can't believe that this is where we are. That you are no longer a baby at all, but a proper little boy.

I feel so many mixed emotions about that.

In a way, it almost feels like a sense of relief - that things might become a bit easier now.

You're all starting to get to an age where you understand things more, where you're a little bit more patient, a little bit more independent, and a little less of a physical handful as you were as babies and toddlers.

We've stopped needing to take the double pushchair out with us much these days, we rarely find ourselves carrying anybody around. Instead we find ourselves running to keep up with 3 very active, energetic and independent little people.

But as crazy as life with 3 small children has been, I also absolutely cannot imagine the last 3 years without you in them.

On the hardest nights when your brothers were struggling to sleep, battling with teething, or whatever else was going on - you were the one who made me smile.

I say it often (not around your brothers!) but you are and have always been my sunshine baby. You always have a smile, you're always ready to have fun, and even in the rare moments when you feel grumpy or have a little tantrum, they never last for long and you're never difficult to bring out of them.

You're the one who sleeps well, you're the one who helps to tidy up without being asked - you are the one least likely to have me tearing my hair out, lets be honest!

(Although admittedly...you ARE the only fussy eater, but you can't win 'em all!)

You have an amazing relationship with Noah - the 10 months between you seems like nothing at all and you have always acted like twins. Wherever he is, you are seconds behind him. You're completely inseparable, and your relationship is lovely to watch.

You get on so well with your oldest brother Tyne too, and love to emulate him and play "big boy" games with him.

You're a real mish-mash of both of your brothers both in looks and in personality - you adore Captain Jack Sparrow and say you're going to be a pirate when you grow up, but you also love Moana and Mary Poppins just as much and love to put a dress on and twirl around with Noah!

I love seeing you grow, but at the same time I'm sad that my littlest baby is already 3 as it feels like the baby years are now being left behind us and I don't feel ready for it.

But what can you do?

Besides, no matter how old you are...you'll always be my little Sailor Moon.

Happy Birthday, Sailor James. We love you so very much.


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