Mental health is a big topic these days. Long gone are the
times when we were told to “just get on with it” and issues were left to fester
and grow. But just because everyone is talking about mental health doesn’t
mean, as parents, we all know what to do and how to help our kids.
Stop!
If your child or anyone you know is in crisis or showing any
signs of hurting themselves or others please contact your local
mental health NHS line immediately.
Mental Health in Young People and Children
Just like adults, kids can suffer too. The pressures of
being young are more intense than ever before and Covid-19 has certainly
magnified many issues. There is lots of help online and sites like Hidden Strength provide content
specifically for younger people. There are also lots of places for parents to
find out more but as with all health searches online, be wary of some of the
content. Try to find sites that work with professionals to offer advice and
support.
Children and young people often show the signs of many of
the mental health issues adults have, the reality is, most adult issues start
from a young age anyway. So being aware and having an understanding of the
mental well being of your children is really important.
It Starts at Home
While many problems can start at home so can so much in the
way of positivity. Parents should aim to create a culture at home that allows
openness and encourages kids to talk about feelings and understand the feelings
of others. It’s never to early to start with this. Talking to our kids about their feelings both
positive and negative as well as sharing some of our own feelings can be very
healthy. Allowing children time to be upset, finding out why, talking about
being scared, or sad or angry really helps set them up for later life. It is
useful to create an environment where it’s OK to struggle and learning to
understand themselves. This isn’t to say you should sit a 5 year old down for
an hour talking about how sad they are. But taking a couple of moments to chat
can help in the short term but also create a longer term strategy too.
The Signs
It is really important for parents to understand some of the
more common mental health challenges for younger people and see
the signs. For many parents now their upbringing would have been very
different. Perhaps as young boys they were told to “man up” and get on with it.
Perhaps as younger girls they were told to stop eating or they will get fat. 30
years ago things were different. Parents now a days can be better and more
understanding. Just as you would expect to know if your child was physically
sick so too should you be able to see if they are having mental health issues.
Online, Phones and Games
There
is no doubt phones, tablets, gaming and access to the internet play a part
in the mental health issues of children and young people. From poor sleep
patterns to online bullying, body shaming and just creating a skewed view of
the world this kind of thing needs to be managed. It may not work out well just
trying to ban phones and the like. The key is to communicate, find lines in the
sand that the whole family can agree on. There is no point shouting at your 12
year old to get of her phone if you are answering your fifth WhatsApp message
that minute. Try screen free times on weekends or walks and once again…talk.
Discuss why it can be bad, talk about positives and negatives and lets your
children tell you what they think.
Parental Influence
Just as parents can help build a culture of talking about
feelings, being open and understanding they can also pass on their own
unresolved issues too. It is critical that parents look at their own behaviour
around food, relationships, cleaning, sexuality and so much more. A parent who
exhibits obsessive behaviour is going to pass some of this on. It may not
appear in the same way but over the years it will have an effect. For many
parents, having kids is a good time to seek help for their own problems.
Afterall, you wouldn’t expect to do no exercise, eat take aways every night and
smoke but force your kids to eat fresh fruit and veg, exercise once a day etc
and expect them to do it. Be aware of your behaviour and how it may affect your
children, be open, talk about it and allow them to share how they feel too.
Mental Health is about being mentally healthy as much as it
is about coping and working through serious issues. The more we know about it
and embrace it as parents the better our kids will be able to cope with
whatever life throws at them.
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