Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: Thursdays Thing I Hate: FML Moments....

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Thursdays Thing I Hate: FML Moments....

First off - if you, like my partner who proof-reads all of my posts for me, don't know what "FML" means - please see HERE as I don't want to be the one to explain it to your innocent self! Bless you.

We all have them, day in and day out - those moments in our days which just make us want to curl up in a heap on the floor and rip out chunks of our hair in anger/frustration/all-round "WHY ME!"-ness!
So I thought I would share my Top 5 FML moments with you....




1. When you are having a frumpy day - none of your clothes look nice, your hair has some alien kink in it which refuses to be tamed by your trusty GHDs, your make-up refuses to work its magic and you basically feel like Susan Boyle's less attractive twin - you can almost guarantee that you will end up standing next to Supermarket Barbie at the checkout, in all of her glam just-stepped-off-the-cover-of-Vogue gorgeousness. 

Bitch.


2.  When a Golf driver appears - no matter what their age or sex - they will drive like an absolute bell end. They will cut you up, they will drive at 80 mph in a 40 zone, they will ride your arse for the entirety of your journey unless you give in and let them pass, and they will have some horrific music blaring out of their windows - no offense if you ARE a Golf driver who doesn't fall into this category, but if you are I'd be thrilled to meet you as you'll be the very first Non-Div Golf Driver I have ever seen!!!



3. When you've spent all day looking forward to your dinner (Yes I do that, my life is that dull....and?), you have planned every last detail perfectly so that there is absolutely no way on Earth that anything can go wrong - the kids are fed and watered, bathed and in bed - the telephone is switched off, etc etc - you can pretty much guarantee that one of the following things will happen the very moment you sit yourself down with your long-awaited plate of loveliness:
a)The kids wake up screaming and demanding your attention RIGHT NOW...
b)A neighbour knocks to have that chat they've been threatening promising for months....
c)Some other random crap that's basically going to stop you enjoying that meal!!!! 



4. When you are getting yourself ready for a special occasion, no matter how much effort you put into applying your fake tan or false eyelashes - no matter how many times previously you've worn it/them and looked picture perfect - no matter how many times you've had practice runs in preparation for this very event - you can all but be certain that, for some unknown reason, the tan will streak/stain your hands beyond recognition/make you look like a reject from the set of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and the eyelashes will REFUSE to stay on - forcing you to apply more and more glue, ruining any chance the rest of your makeup has at looking halfway decent and basically ending up with you looking like a 2 year old with a bad case of conjunctivitis....



5. Even if your child is usually a little angel who never steps a foot out of line and is 100% perfect 100% of the time (HA! Liar!), when you take them out to a posh restaurant or some other formal setting where their best behaviour would be much appreciated - they will suddenly become the Devils Spawn. They will scream and cry and generally cause a huge commotion for whatever reason, and you will feel that familiar blush of humiliation as you realise that YOU have become THAT poor harrassed Mother in the restaurant with the kids that she can't control ... you know, the one that YOU always felt so sorry for in the past.....

So there you have them, my Top 5 FML moments - all of which, I am sorry to say, have thrust themselves at me within the past week!

Please feel free to share your own FML moments - I would LOVE to know that I am not alone in my misery!



Have you checked out my Super Sparkler Advertiser this month?


Louise's blog is a fab read all about beauty, shopping and mummyhood with regular product reviews and weekly features such as Shopping My Stash and What The Postman Brought....


14 comments:

  1. Hahahaha. Amazing, loved this.

    I also look forward to my dinner all day, haha! But I find sometimes I'll do that and then start making something I've planned all day, then realise half way through cooking I'm missing a vital ingredient. THAT SUCKS.

    Alex ♡
    Bump to Baby

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    Replies
    1. Lol yeah that REALLY winds me up too Alex - it always seems to happen!

      xxx

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  2. I love these posts Hayley, your style of writing is brilliant and always makes me laugh!!xx

    http://londonmummyoftwo.blogspot.co.uk/

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  3. LOL Golf drivers... also the case for 'Boys in their mum's cars'... I might well do this very blog post xx

    http://beautyqueenuk.blogspot.co.uk/

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  4. Hahahaha! Love this post, you always make me laugh Hayley :) xx

    Handbags To Change Bags - Mummy & Lifestyle Blog

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  5. When you have a day when everyone you walk near or behind is slow, and then you have the ones that just walk at you and get in your way when you are really not in the mood.

    People that just keep walking on cycle paths, and it takes a bike to make them realise, that actually they might want to stop gossiping and get out the way.

    Spots, shadows under the eyes, wind swept hair, had them all.

    http://www.thesecitydays.co.uk

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  6. Also want to add when you are not properly concentrating, typing to fast, and just end up with a load of typos to alter!


    www.thesecitydays.blogspot.co.uk

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  7. Love this post, it was great to read!

    http://emma-louwagstaff.blogspot.co.uk/

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  8. Oh my god, hilarious! I find that BMW drivers are bigger bellends that Golf drivers though! He he xx

    ReplyDelete

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