Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: Dear Bullies...

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Dear Bullies...

Dear Girls Who Picked On Me In Primary School,

You gave me my first experience of feeling stupid and small. 

When you wouldn't let me sit with you, when you teased me because my teeth weren't straight, when you made fun of me when I didn't know the answer to a question....

I felt embarrassment for the first time.

You started me off on a life long journey of low self confidence, you contributed towards me hating school which I continued to do for the rest of my school days.

But you were just little children. Maybe you didn't know any better. Maybe you didn't mean to be so hurtful. Maybe I was hurtful too and I don't remember it.

I stood up to one of pushed me over one day in front of a boy and made me so angry with embarrassment that I stood right up and shoved you backwards....I'll never forget that look of fear and shock on your face as I lunged at you.

You never bothered me again from that day on.....infact you tried to be nice to me.

I wish I'd learnt more from that experience, I wish I'd carried on standing up to bullies.....

Unfortunately, I didn't.

Dear Bullies In High School,

You were the "cool" crowd. The loud ones. Nobody wanted to go up against you, not even the teachers.

I was the new girl. I was quiet and shy, and I was different. I was from a different area and you held that against me.

You talked about me when I walked into the room, you sniggered loud enough to make sure I heard, you tried to embarrass me whenever you could. 

Some of you just went along with the crowd, joined in with the laughing.....some of you took it further. 

You called me names, you made it very clear that you didn't like refused to let me sit with you even when the teacher tried to pair us up for assignments. 
You made me sit there while you argued with the teacher in front of the whole class, yelling about how you absolutely were not going to sit with me.

You made me cry, in front of everybody. You quietened a bit when your friends said you were being cruel, but it didn't stop you from doing it again.

You glared at me every time I walked into class, you made me feel intimidated and scared. 

I dreaded school every day because of you. I cried every night because of you. I hated everything about myself because of you and how you made me feel.

And I'll never understand why, 15 years later, you saw fit to add me as a "friend" on Facebook as though none of these things ever happened.

It makes it all that much worse to think that these things upset me so much that I still cry when I think about them, yet they meant so little in your life that you clearly don't even remember them.....that you think we are "friends".

Dear Bullies In The Blogging World,

Yes you....the ones who like to insist so loudly that you are not bullies, that you're just speaking the truth, just telling it like it's time you grew up and started taking some responsibility for your childish behaviour.

Those of you who like to pick on people that you feel don't live up to your standards of a blogger. 
Those of you who feel that you have the right to an opinion on who deserves to be a blogger, who deserves PR collaborations, who deserves page ranks and who doesn't.

Those of you who, despite the fact that you have never spoken a single word to me yourself, see fit to send private messages to others slating me....swearing about me and my friends, ripping us apart despite the fact that I have never even exchanged an online message with don't know me in any way, so why do you feel the need to involve yourself in these situations? What do you get out of it?

And those of you who see fit to leave anonymous comments on my blog. 

Making nasty comments, preaching to me, stalking my posts (You kept my blog open for NINE hours one day last week while you searched through all of my posts, I assume you were checking the sad is your life?!).....

If you have something you'd like to say to me.....why don't you grow up and just say it without hiding behind the "Anonymous" option?

If you don't like someone or their blog, surely the solution is simple....don't read it!

What do you get out of publicly calling them out on things you don't like?
 Hiding behind nasty anonymous comments?
 Stalking their posts in the hopes of finding something to report them on?

What a miserable person you must be. What a sad little life you must lead.

I do pity you.....but I'm sick of you too.

I'm sick of all the bullies in life.

This weekend, after receiving a few nasty anonymous comments of late and then finding out exactly who was behind them thanks to Statcounter's IP address tracking option....and discovering it to be someone who is my "friend" on social media and who comments on my blog under their own name regularly, I have debated abandoning my blog altogether.

I've had a lifetime of bullies and I've lived with the emotional scars and the regret of not standing up for myself....

I sat crying about it, about feeling like that girl in high school all over again....with horrible little girls sniggering and talking behind my back....and It didn't seem worth it.

It seemed easier to walk away from blogging altogether.

But why should I?

After a lifetime of letting bullies win, should I really allow it to happen again?

I'm not that frightened, embarrassed little girl anymore.

So I'll carry on doing what I enjoy and hope that I'm right in thinking that there are more nice people out there than nasty....

But to those of you who think it's acceptable to spread your viciousness around, spread it somewhere else.

I know exactly who and what you are, and I have no time for you. 

If you enjoy my blog, please consider following me on Bloglovin'


  1. "But to those of you who think it's acceptable to spread your viciousness around, spread it somewhere else." -- Yeah preferably in the mirror and NOT within the blogging community who btw WILL NOT stand for bullying!

  2. sad sad sad people. well at least you know that they care about you so much that they spend so much time obsessing over you ;) jealousy is a terrible thing! keep positive. you have so many followers who love your blog! xxx

  3. Well said Hayley, and thank you for bringing the sparkle back ;) xxxxxx

  4. I'm so glad you decided to put your blog back online Hayley. We can't let internet bullies win. I've been lucky enough to only ever have a handful of mean comments left on actual posts over the last 2 and a half years of my blogging life but I know that I have been bitched about behind my back constantly and it's not nice. Just because people can hide behind a computer screen they think it's alright ... they don't see the actual damage they could cause.

    Welcome back chicken. We're all here waiting for your sparkles.

    Keep your chin up and you know where to find me if you need me.

    Lou xxx

  5. It's so sad that others in the blogging community think they will get away with being vicious to fellow bloggers. So glad your back online, never let them win! xXx

  6. Well said. I am new to the blogging scene, and thank goodness, have not encountered any bullies. You must stand up to them, your blog is great! Oh and I just followed you on bloglovin :) x x

  7. I've been through the same Hayley, bullied all through school. I tried to be strong for a few years after I left school, but one day it all got too much and I had a breakdown. Bullies don't realise what hurt they do mentally, scars like that never fade. They can go on with life, meanwhile we are left still suffering years on. I am left with social anxiety and they are to blame for it! My bullies have also tried to friend me on facebook, they can maybe forget, but the scars they have caused will never let me forget! All bullies are horrid people!! Don't let anyone stop you from doing something you enjoy xxxx

  8. Well, I've been reading your blog since I fell pregnant and I think you're awesome :-)

    It disgusts me to think that there are forums (GuruGossiper, for example) dedicated to slagging people off. People can be so cruel. I hope you're OK.

    Hannah (

  9. Haters always going hate. Don't give it another thought. You've got exciting times ahead for you and your little family, and I'm sure for this blog too! Xx

  10. So well said/written. You have no idea how closely I can relate to this and you just made me do a little woop because this is something I have always wanted to be able to say to my bullies. You go girl - you tell them!! Xx

    Brenda BusyBee

  11. Wow, who'd have thought that grown-up bloggers would act so childishly?! I'd just rise above them hon, there's most likely an element of jealousy because you've done so well with blogging!
    I can relate to the secondary school bullying, what made it worse for me was 2 of the main perpetrators I had known since I was 3, 1 of them was supposed to be my friend. At 19 she posted a load of vicious stuff about me on opendiary, then said she'd never liked me or genuinely been my friend. It all still affects me now, even with my logical adult brain telling me that the bullies were wrong/just looking for a rise out of me/I really wasn't that fat...... Xxx

  12. Let that sparkle shine so brightly lovely that those bullies will be BLINDED! Stuff'em! Amazing post missus!!! xxx

  13. Massive hugs to you!!
    They obviously have nothing better to do with their life....Sad individuals! Try to ignore them! We all know what a wonderful person you are xxxx

  14. I could really relate to your first two letters Hayley having been picked on at school too. Not so much the third but then my blog has never been popular enough to receive haters. It still makes me feel sad when I hear about bloggers being on the receiving end of such unkindness and ingratitude when they have put so much time and energy into their blog. If people don't like what they have to say then why don't they learn to just keep their mouths shut and stay away? Glad you are brave enough to stay. Remember, there are so many people out there who love your blog and care a lot about you

  15. It is amazing how women always have the power to demean someone else and make them feel so rubbish, what saddens me is that this person, obviously having read your blog, would have know that life has been a tad traumatic for you recently and to do what they have done makes them nothing more than a coward and a selfish twat. I only hope they see this post, then go and look at themselves in the mirror so that they can see what we all see - a sad, pathetic individual who really needs to get a grip on their own life.

    On another point, I am proud of you for rising above it and for not giving up and giving in to let them win xx
    Beautyqueenuk xx

  16. It's incredible that someonecan waste time & energy in this way(waste of life)! X

  17. Great post glad u have put it out there and hope the "grown up" bully feels like a the complete moron that she/he must be! I say name and shame!!!

    Laura @

  18. So glad your blog is back up again! Great post, sadly there will always be a bully in our lives but we just have to learn to deal with them and well done you for raising above it all. xxx

  19. is it not possible to block anonymous profiles even tho im one of them lol xx

  20. Hugs Hayley, what an honest and open post. I have never encountered any nastiness personally in the blogging world but then I don't really get hugely involved in cliques or friendships (I am a loner haha)- I am sorry though if someone has been horrible to you, that sounds absolutely awful. I am a friendly blogger if ever you need a virtual hug! :) x

  21. Good for you sweetie standing up to them!!
    Keep doing what you are doing lovely x

  22. Well put, Hayley and well done for not letting them stop doing what you love. And are obviously good at for them to feel threatened enough by your success to need to bully you. Most bullies are cowards, hiding behind their vitriol. The internet has made it easier, but your strength will show them they have nowhere to hide here. I too was bullied through school and beyond and when one of the worst of them tried to friend me on Facebook, I said no, but made sure he understood exactly why - and I hope that it made him regret his actions. But probably not.
    Stay strong and keep sparkling - life is better than them.

  23. I am so shocked and disgusted that somebody that would call themselves a friend could do such a thing. And be an adult!! Some people seriously have nothing better in their lives then to be silly jealous little cretins!! Yuk! Well done you for standing up to the trolls! Your blog is great and you have so much to look forward to! I feel bad as I hardly get chance to interact with you as much as I used to but I'm always here and I'm always reading your posts! Your fab and we love you! Chin up, as Taylor swift says shake it off! Big hugs hun xxxx

  24. Love you loads <3 beside you, behind you and the other side of you, I'll be there xx


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