Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: An Open Letter To The Trolls....

Saturday, 30 May 2015

An Open Letter To The Trolls....

To The Person Who Leaves Cruel Anonymous Comments On My Blog....

I guess some people might be of the opinion that when you put your life online for all to see, you're opening yourself up to the opinions of others.

I've been lucky with this blog so far - It's introduced me to some lovely people, people I talk to every day and consider to be real true friends - people who think in a similar way to myself, people who share the same interests as I do.

But recently I've experienced the down side more.

Lately there've been more & more nasty comments left, making snide remarks about this or that, poking fun at my abilities and what they perceive to be my lack of certain skills or talents, making comments about my choices on certain things, even making comments about my children - their names and so on.

I don't really understand it, myself.

Why would you continue to read something that you don't enjoy? If you don't like something or someone, why continue to expose yourself to it?

It's really very straight forward - if you don't like what you find here, go somewhere else.

I'm never cruel on this blog. Infact if anything I try my very best to use it to spread a positive vibe or to address issues that I feel are important and to try my best to help people who find themselves struggling with things that I've also faced such as anxiety and so on.

Whenever I receive e-mails from people who are suffering with these things or relate to other personal posts I've made, I go out of my way to respond with detailed, in depth replies that I put real time and effort into - I want to help if I can at all.

I'm not a horrible person.

I'm not a perfect person either - not by any stretch of the imagination, who is? - and I completely admit that I have my own bitchy moments when I make snap judgements about people, and sometimes of course there are people I just don't like or get on with - that's life, we can't all like everybody 100% of the time.

But do you know what the difference is? I would NEVER stoop so low as to leave an anonymous comment on somebodys blog just to be spiteful, to try and bring them down, to make them feel less than.

Why would I do that? Why would anyone do that?

As the old saying goes - if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

You don't know how people are feeling. You don't know what struggles they're facing.

You might think you know somebody from their blog but the people behind them are real people with real feelings, and how do you know what else might be going on in their lives? 

Before you leave that comment so full of negativity & judgement...



How do you know that the cruel or thoughtless comment you leave - which to you might be something you don't give a second thought to, that you may tell yourself is "just being honest" or however you justify your nastiness to yourself so that you can sleep soundly at night - won't be the straw that broke the camels back?

How do you know that person isn't teetering on the edge and that one little comment is the last little shove they couldn't quite handle?

I believe that we should always be very very careful with our words - they cause more damage than we tend to give them credit for and once they're spoken they can't be taken back. 

When the damage is done, it's done.

I'm not in a great place emotionally at the moment as it happens - I'm struggling a bit, which is something I intended to write about this week actually - because as much as this blog is my happy place to share fun anecdotes of time spent with the kids, funny things Tyne has said, cute snaps of Noah and all of the fluffy stuff in life - it's also my safe place where I can talk about my feelings, my struggles, my anxieties, my worries.

I need to have that place.

So many times in the past this blog and its readers have helped me more than I could ever express, whether it be through practical tips and advice to handle the issues I was facing to just the moral support I've felt from your comments. It's been absolutely invaluable to me.

But finding that safe place invaded by negativity makes it feel like something else - it turns it into a place of worry, a place where I'm watching every word I type, second guessing every page view incase they're coming to look laugh and point instead of simply read and engage, clicking with trepidation on those "Comments awaiting moderation" incase what awaits me is more vitriol and heartlessness.

It's really made me think long and hard about whether it's worth while, and whether I'm a strong enough person right now to continue putting myself out there like this - so open to the harsh judgement and critique of others.

So I'll ponder on that a while longer I think, and I'll figure out how best to go forward -if forward is indeed the direction I decide to go in.

Perhaps it's as simple as disabling anonymous commenting - such a shame to have to do that, my mum loves commenting on this blog and she can only do so anonymously coz bless her she's no computer whizz - but if it stops that feeling of dread when I see comments waiting then maybe that's I'll need to do - because funnily enough these horrible comments never do have a name attached to them.

Oh no, they're always hidden behind that "anonymous" label.

Funny that.

Whatever I decide to do, the quotes in this post all apply and are all words I'm clinging to this weekend....

But I have one more, which is especially for you Dear Anonymous......

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Life with Baby Kicks


  1. If somebody has something negative to say, but is too much of a coward to say it in their own name without hiding behind a veil of anonymity, then you are already in a stronger place than they are! Think of that when any of the trolls step in - they are trolling because they aren't brave enough to be themselves.

  2. Wow I'm so new-ish to blogging that I had no idea people do this kind of thing, I mean I've read about trolls and so on but just who can be bothered? It's very sad and pathetic and I'm really sorry that they use your blog to be hateful and spitfeul. This is a great post, Courage Mon Brave X (@daisychainbaby on Twitter) X

  3. You REALLY have to let that stuff roll off your back, especially as a blogger. I know it's easier said than done, but when you come across that type of thing, just tell yourself that it HAS to be a little 13-16-year-old who is bored and desperate to get some attention (even if it's "anonymous" attention). If it's an actual adult, then look at from this perspective: you really should feel SORRY for them. Seriously, if their own life is so low and sad and miserable that they behave this way in order to feel better about themselves, they obviously have much bigger problems than mean comments on a blog ("how you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you"). I know that seems impossible, especially if you are having your own private struggles (been there!), but if you come across this again, slowly try to redirect your anger / hurt / etc. into remembering that those words aren't even someone's genuine thoughts - they're just someone trying to strike you where (they think) it will hurt so they can get a reaction - don't let them! I was in an emotional abusive marriage and he would always do that, go straight for the things he knew I was most insecure about - it took time and wasn't easy, but I learned to ignore it (and strangely, now look at it as a gift because having experienced that, I can now truly and honestly say that I DO NOT care what others think or say - most of the time it's bullshit anyway!).

    From a practical standpoint, I don't know how tech savvy you are but you can install programs that track IP addresses, you can match up the IP address with the time the comment was left, then you can block that IP address from being able to access your webpage (I'd wager all the hurtful comments are coming from the same one). You can google search how to do that yourself, or if you aren't very technical but it happens often enough that it really bothers you, it might be worth paying a small fee to have someone else install it and tell you how to use it. Whatever you have to do to get some peace of mind and keep this your happy place!

  4. Whaat? How sad that people have nothing better to do with their time then to go and leave comments on blogs that if they are leaving bad comments - they clearly don't even enjoy. And then to do it anonymously because they're too ashamed to leave their name with their comment. Too ashamed to admit to being the type of person who leaves hurtful comments on peoples blogs.. That's pretty sad tbh. I think they need to go find some way better to fill up their time... x

  5. I love your blog Hayley. I'm one of those people who doesn't leave many comments, but I read your blog all the time, and look forward to a new post. For every troll out there, just know that there's so many more of us who appreciate everything you do. Sending lots of Internet love xxx

  6. Wow! I am a new follower and I don't generally leave comments cause I'm lazy and read via bloglovin app on my phone (which doesn't always she a the comment button) but I feel I have to say GO you! Continue your positivity as you don't know how many people's days it brightens! I personally enjoyed reading the funny things your son has said and how you photographed your baby. Don't let others put you down. Your fab! 😃💜

  7. I hope you leave those comments on your blog for people to see, don't hide them and shy away from them. It is easy to sit at the keyboard, poke fun, mock and bully but it takes a bigger person to read them, move on and leave them to their unhappy existence.

    I hope the person who has done this to you sees this post, looks in the mirror and sees for themselves exactly who they are, perhaps put the boot on the other foot and imagine how they would feel if you had left similar comments for them to read.

    Maybe you have something they don't and it makes them feel better to criticise, frankly that is the only reason I can think of as to why someone feels the need to be mean to you xx

  8. Why anyone would want to leave insulting messages on someone's blog I will never understand, I hope they feel ashamed, Stay positive and ignore the haters.

  9. Just commented on your video and then was this.... I have to concur with others. People get a kick out of putting others down, it's a trait which is one of the worst and I just can't help but feel sorry for them - try and direct your anger elsewhere because they are certainly not worth it! You have a big supportive following Hayley, and we all adore you and your blog. Don't let those small (insignificant) people get to to wonderful person you are xxx

  10. How horrible for you, having a baby and juggling life with two little ones is hard enough without people leaving nasty comments. I hope you are okay and i know it will be hard but try not to let them bother you too much as they really are not worth it xx

  11. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Please remember that you are a better, stronger person than them and you have lots of support

  12. What cowards these trolls are. You are being so brave and positive about this. I hope you can come through this knowing you are the better person. That last quote made me laugh out loud - much to the shock of my feeding baby! :)

  13. I don't understand why people leave nasty comments. I don't understand even more why people feel the need to make personal remarks on blogs. It is a case of if you can't say anything nice don't say anything. Sending you a massive virtual hug. And I love that your mum is about as technical as mine :)

    Thanks for linking with #effitfriday

  14. It's amazing how people feel the need to be mean on the Internet in a way they'd never been in real life. Says more about them than anyone else! Hope you're having a better day today #effitfriday


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