Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: I'm Not Brave

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

I'm Not Brave

Those that follow this blog or know me will know that I recently announced my third pregnancy.

They'll also know that this pregnancy was a big surprise - to me more than anybody!

I fell pregnant following a course of antibiotics very much accidentally when my son was just weeks old - meaning that there is only going to be a 10.5 month age gap between the babies.

This is a pretty unusual situation, I'm very aware of fact it made me quite nervous to announce the pregnancy. I had a real fear of negativity about it - after experiencing some very negative and hurtful comments from medical staff very early on in the pregnancy I was pretty stung and I expected more of the same once the news was out.

I don't really know why I care so much what people think about me or my life, but I just do - I've always been that way.

Once I did announce the news, I was pleasantly surprised by the reactions of those around me - I didn't face any of the negativity I expected, infact everyone was overwhelmingly lovely and positive about the news and I heard so many lovely uplifting stories about life with children so close together, which was really wonderful and exactly what I needed!

So this post isn't meant as a whingefest at all - and it's certainly not aimed at anybody in particular - but there's just this one thing I keep hearing ever since announcing the news.

The one main thing that people seem to comment is "Wow! You're brave!".

Sometimes I get "You must be mad/crazy/high!" too ... but mostly it's the comments about being brave.

I TOTALLY get that they're well's meant as a compliment, and people just need a way to acknowledge the surprise factor and how close together the two are...I know that NOBODY has said it with any malice at all.

But if I'm totally honest? And it's probably just my irrational pregnancy hormones talking here...but sometimes it's bloody annoying!

The thing is...I'm not brave at all.

I'm really bloody nervous about the whole thing actually.

I have NO idea how or if it's all going to work out - I only know that it kind of has to! We'll make it work because what other option do we have? The baby is coming and that's really all there is to it - so we can sit and cry in the corner and wallow in anxiety and fear about it - or we can just buck up and get on with it and make the best of it!

We found ourselves in a situation. An unplanned situation.

I don't want to say unwanted because that's not how it feels now and I'm well aware that we're very fortunate to be in a position where pregnancies occur without a struggle when so many are left trying for years without success - but back when I first found out, there were definitely lots of tears and lots of panic and lots of doubt.

But the situation was what it was. It was there. It was happening. 

And we had two options.

We all know what those two options are - we could either continue with the pregnancy or not continue with the pregnancy.

And while I would never judge anyone for any decision they make, for me personally - not continuing the pregnancy didn't feel like an option for us. 

And so...there we were. 

And here we are.

There's a baby coming.

And we choose to be excited about that, and happy, and we very much look forward to meeting it and extending our little family unit.

But that doesn't make me brave - it's just what's necessary and what's happening.

Sometimes all these brave comments make me feel like a bit of a fraud when inside I'm still very full of worry.

And they make me there something to be so scared of? Why else would I be labelled as "Brave"? Maybe I should be fearing this more! Everyone is making out they would be!

Who knows.

All I know is that I'm just dealing with the situation we're in.

It's not how we planned it, but that doesn't make it a bad thing or any less exciting.

It just is what it is.

So thank you so much for being happy and excited for us, I appreciate it very much - but please, don't tell me I'm makes me feel anything but.

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  1. I don't think any one elses opinions other than yours or Jon's is of any relevance hun in all honesty. I think it is totally amazing and of course I am totally excited and praying for a girl, but I am STILL waiting to play name games #justsaying xx

    1. Lol why are you praying for a girl?! I'm not!! I've got no idea on names yet at all, I'm finding it much harder to narrow them down without knowing! x

  2. My mum had two children close together too, 10 months apart! My younger brother and sister, they have always been very, very close and did everything together as children, they were also in the same year at school. Even now as adults they are still close. I think it's lovely to have children close together. My tow boys are also close in age. I am so glad everyone around you have been positive and happy for you! I am too, happy for you. I could never judge anyone, either. xx

    1. Aww thats lovely to hear!! I really hope Noah and new baby end up close, and Tyne too as he's not too far away in age! Thanks for your lovely comment :) x

  3. Big, big congratulations on your pregnancy. 3 kids is a fabulous number but then I'm biased! Mich x

  4. My sister had quadruplets nearly a year ago now and you can imagine the comments. After talking to her about it at length, from a whole new perspective, I will never say anything to someone having a baby in a 'rare' circumstance again! A baby is coming, that is brilliant - no need for any other stupid comments x

  5. Congratulations! And what a shame there have been so many negative or thoughtless comments - like you say, the situation is as it is and I know from friends who've had twins and similar reactions that there's so much that's wonderful about two little ones together.

    1. Ah thank you! It really hasn't been too bad over all, I was most taken aback by the dr and nurse when I first found out! xx

  6. I've been reading your blog for a while but this is my first comment! Do I get an award or something? :). Just wanted to say that I hear you on the thoughtless comments...I have 3 children under 4 and when I went to the doctor appointments for my third pregnancy, I frequently brought my other two with me and got all kinds of sympathetic looks and "wow, you've got your hands full" etc. etc.. It honestly made me a bit sad, when did having multiple young children become this taboo thing? I'm very happy for you and for your new baby. I can't think of anything better than a new baby being born into a loving home with parents and siblings who will cherish him/her. How can that ever be a negative thing? It doesn't matter if it's planned or not, you'll all adjust and find buckets of joy in being a family of five! Congratulations!

    1. Ahhh yay, thanks for commenting!!! :)
      It's shocking that so many people think nothing of making these kinds of comments, and like you said...kind of sad! It used to be pretty normal to have numerous kids didn't it?! What changed?! Thanks so much for your comment :) x

  7. It's not easy to go through pregnancies and they can be very scary at times. I think you are brave to share this on here! Bravery can be measured in different ways too! congratulations on having a third baby!

    1. That's definitely a good way of looking at it! Thanks Angela :) x

  8. I think it's really sweet. They will be the best of friends and will always have such a close bond because of the close age gap x

  9. That's exactly it. If I was to have a third child and it was coming sooner than late as you had planned I wouldn't care either. Somehow it always works out.

  10. I think with babies, these things happen sometimes, but people do tend to interfere and give their opinions. I had people ask me if ours was planned (because I'd never been into babies), even though we'd been married years, were both sensible and non-risk takers, and I'm a big organiser and planner.

    I know quite a lot of people who've had accidental babies, one is even having her 4th (3 of which weren't planned, and the 3rd the husband wasn't happy about the accident happening) - one's an accident, more is careless, but they're happy and obviously weren't worried enough about having an accident to watch out during the same situations that they'd had a previous accident.

    Good luck with your pregnancy and other people cope well with small gaps so there's no reason why you wouldn't.

  11. I'm so annoyed Hayley that medical staff made negative comments to you about this. These things happen, and maybe it was just meant to be? Best of luck with it. It's normal to care what others think of you, but try not to obsess over it. xx

  12. Some of my friends have had accidental pregnancies and it's been the best thing for them and their family. Sure it's hard work especially to start with, but I don't suppose that is a shock to you with 2 children already. I think it can work really well when the children are so close in age.


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