Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: The Third Time's The Charm

Sunday, 12 June 2016

The Third Time's The Charm


I remember when I had my first son, how much buzz and excitement there was around his arrival.

My own and my partners of course, but it wasn't just us...people around us seemed excited about it too, from family members to people who stopped to chat to me in supermarkets...once that question "Is it your first?" had been answered with a nod, they would excitedly chat away about all the lovely things I could expect over the coming months and years, share their memories and anecdotes with me and wish me well on his arrival.

Once he was born, I was showered with an array of beautiful baby gifts, balloons and teddy bears and flowers arrived in the post from well-wishers who couldn't visit in person and those who could called around often to see the new baby and enjoy some snuggles.

The excitement of everybody else only added to my own, and I remember that time very fondly.

When I announced my second pregnancy, there was notably less of a buzz around it - we got all the usual congratulations of course but nobody else was quite as interested as they had been the first time around

And then comes the third...



If you notice the lack of interest when a second baby arrives, then by the time the third baby comes along it's Game over...less a case of "Oh is the baby here yet?! Any signs?! How exciting!" and more a case of "Oh...she had another baby?! I didn't even realise she was pregnant again!"

I knew this was going to be the case so it didn't take me by surprise ... my sister has 3 children too and she told me all about it...but of course, we don't have children because we want OTHER people to be excited for us so it doesn't really matter a bit.

The excitement for YOU as the parents is just the same....third baby, fifth baby, 19th baby in the case of The Radford Family!...it's exactly the same.

The nervous first scans, the excitement at feeling those first kicks, the happy shopping sprees for tiny clothes.

There's a new life coming, a new little person to join your family, and the excitement that brings will never change...even when it's the third time.

And here's the thing about a third baby...well at least, this has been the experience for me...a third baby is special in it's very own way.

In a way that I never expected before he arrived....


You wonder, when you're carrying the baby, whether things will feel the same third time around...you know exactly what to expect when he or she arrives. You know how newborns work. You know what works for you as a parent. It's not so new and scary anymore. Infact you're kind of an old hat at this...and that's great of course. But you worry a little...

Will I love it as much? Will I find it all so exciting...the milestones, the first smiles, the night time cuddles? And how will I find room in my heart for this extra, third little person when it's already so full of love for his brothers?

Will I truly feel the excitement and the love or will I just be going through the motions?

These were all thoughts and concerns I had before Sailor arrived.

But then he was here - and he took me completely by surprise.

Because third time around - the situation may not be different, life with a newborn may not be different - but I am different.

I have a level of confidence in my mothering skills that wasn't there the first time around and still wasn't fully developed the second time.

I know exactly what works for me, and what works for us as a family, and I know how to best approach things for us all.

I know how quickly each stage passes, I know how soon the sleepless nights are over, I know how fast each seemingly never-ending "Leap" will be over and done with for good...you think you know all of these things the second time around and to an extent you do have an awareness of it - but by the third time around, it's well & truly ingrained in you.

Third time around, I know not to focus on those things - I know not to wish time away by wondering when my baby will reach that next milestone and willing him on to achieve it - I know not to wish away those night time snuggles no matter how truly exhausted I am because they'll be over with soon enough anyway - I know to take the time to meet his gaze when I feed him because I know that soon enough he'll be passing on those last night time feeds and snuggles, and how much I'll miss those moments when he looks so deeply into my eyes that it feels as though we're talking without words.

Third time around, I feel capable of truly enjoying my baby - of savouring these precious baby days - of being the mother I wanted to be first time around but didn't have the confidence to be.

Your firstborn is the one who makes you a mother - but I feel as though it took a third baby to help me to truly find my groove in motherhood.

They say that the third time is the charm - and for me as a Mum that has been so very true.



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What Katy Said

13 comments:

  1. Oh this made me cry. He isn't even here yet and I feel like this will be me in a few months. I really want to enjoy it all and savour those early days. So glad you are in the groove now hun. xxx

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    1. Ahh you will Katy, I'm sure! :) Thanks lovely xx

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    2. thank you for joining in #HappyDaysLinky too hun xx

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  2. Oh I love that you say you're third baby helped you find your motherhood groove. Every baby is so special. My sister had four and by the last there wasnt as much attention and less gifts but the love is just as enormous #bestandworst

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  3. This is such a wonderful post to read. As someone who is contemplating a third, but not anytime soon, it's so nice to hear that it all feels much easier and you're more in sync with your motherhood abilities. It is true that with each passing child the excitement gets a little less for others around you, but it's so exciting and wonderful each time for you. I had the same fears as you had with my second, I didn't think I would be able to love anyone as much as my son, but she filled a gap we never knew was there and my heart was so full because of it. They're such a blessing aren't they and this was so lovely to read x #happydayslinky

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  4. I just think this is so lovely, with my 2nd I definitely think I felt more comfortable so if I have a third I'll be able to parent with my eyes closed, surely? Ha. Thanks so much for linking up! #bestanadworst

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  5. This is so true! My third baby has been by far my easiest because I'm just not worried about when he's going to sleep better, or how much milk he's drinking or how much he liked to be in our arms as a newborn. He's 6 months old now and already starting to be a little bit more independent, a little bit less of a baby. It all goes so quickly there's no point stressing over the little things is there? This is a lovely post xx

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  6. I love this post. You seem to content and your boys all seem so happy. They're lucky to have you, as much as you are lucky to have them. xx

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  7. Aww this is lovely. I totally had the same experience of noone being interested in my second baby. And it's sad isn't it. I'd like another but I worry about how much it will change things. This gives me hope that it would all be fine if we did. Thanks for linking up to #HappyDaysLinky x

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  8. Every word is so true what you have wrote. I don't care about anything my 3rd goes through if that makes sense?! If he's I'll I know hel get over it. Like you said teething leaps and all that really didn't bother me. But the love I have for him is huge! I worried I wouldn't have enough love but I'm sure I have even more!

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  9. This is lovely! I only have 2 (...so far...) but I can totally having all these fears with the third one. I think it's brilliant that everything has fallen into place for number 3 (even if everyone else isn't as interested).

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  10. My first baby is 13 months old now and I can feel myself slowly getting more confident. I have always thought I would like to have 3 children in total and can definitely imagine that having that confidence in yourself must make the whole parenting process a little bit less worrying! x

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