Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: Ways I'm Like A Kardashian

Monday, 11 July 2016

Ways I'm Like A Kardashian

I've just been sitting here watching a variety of the Kardashian family talk about nothing much on the E! Channel and it got me thinking...

I am SO exactly like the Kardashians....I would fit in so well with their family...I mean, aside from the fact that Kendall and I are basically twins there are just SO many other things that I have in common with them...

Not convinced? Let's compare, shall we?!

Just like the Kardashians....I have "people" who insist on doing my make up for me in the mornings... 

Oh yes...gone are the days of leisurely applying my own foundation, these days I have a team of "experts" who like to do it all for me....Their contouring skills are sadly not up to much, but they try.... they do tend to chew on the brushes though... #MyFaceSmellsLikeBabySpit


The same "people" also insist on doing my hair, too....

Again, they're not very good at it...and they're pretty rough actually, infact most of the time it's less a case of having my hair brushed and more a case of being bludgeoned repeatedly with my own hair brush.... But it's the thought that counts, right?!



My schedule is constantly PACKED with appointments, dates...you know how it is....Places to go, people to see....


Ok...so they're all for the kids...but still...




I spend way too much of my life on social media 

(#bloggerproblems)...I mean seriously...if you don't Instagram your dinner, did it even happen?!



Just like the Kardashians, I have taken to abbreviating most of the words in my vocabulary....

...but not in a "cool" way, more in a "baby talk" way....less "Cray cray" more "Boc boc".




My kids all have unusual names...

but I didn't get quite get silly enough with it...I should have gone down the North West route...so in an effort to "Keep Up With The Kardashians" I'll soon be renaming my kids...Our surname is Glass so I'm thinking of calling them Pint, Wine and Auto....




There are inappropriate photos of me all over the internet.... 

But they're less like this....



And more like this....


When I think I'm looking halfway decent (rare)...I can't help myself, I HAVE to take a selfie...or 12

(or...to be more accurate...around 3,756 selfies in the vain attempt to get just ONE that makes me look passable. The problem I have is that I always hate every single one of them...something odd seems to happen and the face that I see looking back at me on my screen is not the same face I just saw in the mirror...the one in the mirror looked alright but the one on the screen looks like somebody put mascara on a potato...therefore I never use the selfies. My phone is literally full of them but check my Instagram feed? You won't find one! So...kind of the opposite of Kim K on that one I guess...)


And then of course, there's my massive bum!! But I'll spare you the visual on that one....


Need I say more? All I need is a K name and I'm basically one of them....from now on, please call me Kayley....


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22 comments:

  1. hahaha! I love this. It really made me chuckle.
    Renaming your kids made me laugh out loud...

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  2. Lol!!! In that case I'm a Kardashian too! Brilliant! Xx

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  3. I love this post it really made me laugh.I really think you should rename your children then everyone who moaned about Sailor's name might back off as it's more "normal" than this Kardashian name

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  4. Hahaha oh I loved this Hayley! BRILLIANT post! :'D xxx

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  5. You look like you're having SUCH an amazing night in those photos

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  6. I'm sure you're 1000 times better than the Kardashians!! Really amusing post though!

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  7. Love this post Hayley. So funny xx

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  8. This post may be the best thing that's every come out of the Kardashian fame #brilliantblogposts

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  9. Broken would also be a good name...! Hahaha! #chucklemums

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  10. This has really made me giggle, oh I just love it!!

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  11. Wine is an awesome name for a kid. I say awesome, I can't imagine social services would see it that way. Loved this post, despite the fact that I am entirely oblivious to the Kardashians (thank heavens for small mercies eh) #chucklemums

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  12. I love this! I'm pleased it's not just be that has helpers in the morning to get me ready. Holly's favourite it 'cream mummy' and covers my arms! I think you would fit right in :-) Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x

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  13. Love it! I wish I had helpers to get ready - I just have a distraction who is constantly trying to pick up my straighteners! And you look like you're having a fab time on your night out - that's what it's all about! Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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  14. I cannot take a good selfie. I just don't think my arms are long enough! Also totes (see what I did) agree about the dinner. If it's not on SM it doesn't exist. Even worse is when it is but no one coments. #fridayfrolics

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  15. Haha, I love your name suggestion for the kids. So many combinations you could go with....Thanks for linking up with #FridayFrolics

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  16. Could you actually put up with Kanye though? Love the alternative kids names ;) Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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  17. Haha! Totally jealous of your "make up team" and your personal "hairdresser"!! You could totally be on Keeping up with the Kardashian's! At any rate, you should have your own show ;) brilliant post! #SharingtheBlogLove x

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  18. Haha - opened this thinking 'well there's certainly no way I'm remotely like a Kardashian' & have now realised that, yes, I kind of am too! #AnythingGoes

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  19. Haha! I don't watch the kardasians but my sisters are obsessed and they tell me I'm Kourtney...

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  20. Back again! Thanks so much for linking up to #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time!

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