Monday, 5 March 2018

5 Things That Make Me Anxious As A Blogger

Over the years, it's become more and more apparent to me that blogging and social anxiety are not really things that go hand in hand.

As a social anxiety sufferer, I spend a very large percentage of my time worrying myself sick about things I said 15 years ago that somebody may have taken the wrong way - and so putting myself "out there" on the world wide web for all to see is not something that sits very comfortably with me. At all. In fact I'm amazed I do it!

Blogging about my journey with anxiety has been a huge help, and If my posts have helped any other sufferers to feel less alone then of course it's all been worth while - and blogging in general has been life changing for me career I have no regrets.

But still, there are certain aspects of blogging that make the anxiety sufferer in me go into ultimate meltdown panic mode...and I thought I'd talk about those today!

1) Sharing Opinionated Posts

The passionate writer in me absolutely LOVES getting my teeth into a hot topic, and I can get very bored very easily when I stick to just writing family life updates and content that doesn't get me on my soap box...I'm not that kind of person, I like to go deeper, I like to connect with people and tell my stories and discuss the things I think are important.

And as someone who has always enjoyed a good debate I can't help myself when it comes to wading in and giving my opinion - but once I blog about a serious or emotive topic and press publish I live in absolute fear of the potential backlash for days.

Infact I worry so much about it, that I re-read my posts three or four times to try to find holes in my own arguments - so that I can address them before publishing - the less chance I give people to find a hole in my argument, the less chance there is that I'll be attacked for it! And honestly, this can keep me up for nights on end.

2) Lack Of Interaction On Social Media

Posting something to your blog Facebook page only for nobody to like or comment on it is annoying for any blogger, but the socially anxiety sufferer in me judges my self worth on the number of interactions I get.

To me its the equivalent of speaking to somebody in public and them turning around and walking away with acknowledging your existence. I know thats NOT how its intended and its nobodys responsibility to make me feel better, but I'm just saying...that's the level of anxiety it gives me, it almost feels the same as that would.

If nobody likes a post I publish, I manage to convince myself that it's because everybody hates me - that I've probably done something to piss people off, everybody thinks I'm boring, etc etc...usually I then feel absolute panic at the thought that other people will see that nobody has interacted with my post and they'll laugh at me and realise what a loser I am...then comes the "delete or don't delete" struggle!

Seriously posting on Facebook is an emotional rollercoaster for me, so much so that sometimes I choose not to even bother in the first place!

3) The "Not naming any names but..." posts on Facebook 

I've lost count of how many passive aggresive Facebook statuses I see declaring things like "Oh don't you just HATE it when bloggers ask for votes during award season?!"... Hmm, can't say that doesn't make me a bit anxious when it's something I've done myself in the past and will probably do again in the future! Yet funnily enough, those same people don't seem to remember their aversion to it when they decide that they want to ask for votes after all the following year.

These type of posts are also VERY common in Facebook blogging groups, in fact just a couple of weeks ago I MAY have been the subject of one, but who really knows?! Because the people who post them usually insist on the "I'm not naming any names..." approach.

"Oh did you see that SOMEBODY didn't declare a sponsored post last week? I'm not naming any names but...."

"I was told that somebody was paid x amount for this post, not naming names but they're number x in the Tots chart...."

And so on, etc.

I'm sure these kinds of posts are irritating for most normal people, but for a social anxiety sufferer like myself? Let me tell you, They are TORTURE.

If you're talking about me, why not approach me first and ask me about it before going public with it?! But then I guess you'd say you're not going public coz you're not naming any names even though its SO obvious who you're talking about, because the rule is...if you don't name names...then you're not a bitch right?!

WRONG. Newsflash: If you're going to talk about people in blog groups instead of just taking it to the person directly, you're still a bitch whether you name names or not.

But thanks for the nights sleep I lost worrying about whether you were actually talking about me.

I guess I'll get my revenge by writing this you can wonder if it's you I'm talking about! (Ah the irony of me saying I hate this and then doing the same bloody thing!)

4) Being Unfollowed

There's nothing that sends me into a panic spiral quite like my unfollower app informing me that a blogger I like and thought I was friends with has unfollowed me on social media.

Cue a night spent rehashing every single interaction I've had with said person in the last 3 months in a vain attempt to figure out what has gone wrong.


In reality, it could just be that their account has glitched or they're using a third party app and don't realise it's happened....I know this because....

5) Account Glitches

...My Instagram account decided a while ago that it's great fun to play with my poor little socially anxious mind by unfollowing people at random.

It was usually the same 5 or 6 people over and over again - it would unfollow them, then someone would point this out to me and I'll re follow them and everyone else who pops up as a "You may want to follow this person..." suggestion that I KNOW I was following already....then a few days later it will unfollow them again!

Cue massive anxiety - "Oh my god, they're going to think I'm doing it on purpose! They'll think I'm playing follow unfollow or just being a massive dick in general - Oh my god, do I keep following them back every time it happens?! What if they think I'm doing it in purpose and hate me?! or do I just stop and leave it unfollowed and hope they don't notice and hate me?!!"

(Not helped when you get blocked by people or receive horrible messages from people who insist you've done it deliberately!)

Luckily I managed to sort it by deleting a follow tracker I app I was using which seemed to be causing the issue, but for a while there....that made my social anxiety go through the bloody roof!!

So yes, these are just 5 of the many many ways that blogging absolutely tortures the social anxiety sufferer in me on a daily basis.

Remind me again, why do I keep on doing this?!!!

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