Children are like sponges, they soak up every comment, vibe and piece of information. While parents mean well, some things can negatively impact your child’s and their mental health. This might be pushing too hard for academic achievement or not modelling health coping mechanisms.
There is not one right way to parent. It will all be down to trial and error, staying open and curious, while being attentive and compassionate with your children. They need challenges in some areas, and more validation and support in others. Every single child is going to be different, even if you have twins. It is vital that you learn what these are and work with them, rather than putting them into a box.
While there are many methods of parenting, there are some proven components that you should avoid if you want a better future for your children. To help you on this journey, here are some mistakes that parents have discovered, which are worth learning.
#1 Not seeking support when needed
Parents often make the mistake of thinking that they have to do everything. But they don’t, and that mindset can cause more harm than good. When your plate is overloaded, you are role modelling this behaviour to your children, that they also have to be independent and not seek help. At the least, this is going to cause stress, but at the most, this might mean that your or your children’s needs are not being met. When your children have more complex needs, such as a disability, there are people out there whose job it is to support you and your child’s journey, like Specialist Support Coordination so more joy and autonomy for your child can be fostered.
#2 Focusing too heavily on grades and achievements
Good grades and achievements are important for children in developing their confidence and improving skills in different areas. However, if the emphasis is too harsh or neglects other important things, such as emotional well-being. If it starts to come at the expense of something else, e.g. your child’s mental health, then something needs to change. The pressure can build up significantly for a child, leading to stress, anxiety and lowered self-esteem.
#3 Not recognising mental health issues
It can be very easy to put down changing behaviours to issues at school or with friends, puberty, being naughty, trying to get attention, and more. While this can often be true, it is also important to stay attuned to your children so you can notice if there is something bigger at play. Children may not be mature enough to acknowledge and speak up that something isn’t right, and instead, not ask for the help they need. Consider keeping communication open, validating their feelings and checking in with them often. If something doesn’t seem right, don’t ignore it or downplay it. This can impact them now, but also how they deal with things in the future.
Having children is not an easy thing, and there is no shame in making mistakes. That is an important part of being a parent. It is how you move forward and learn from this that is key.