Sparkles & Stretchmarks: A UK Parenting & Pregnancy Blog: My recent FML moments

Thursday, 3 October 2013

My recent FML moments

You may recall a while back I posted about my FML moments....if you'd like a refresher, click HERE

We all experience many of these inconveniences on a day to day basis - from embarrasing falls in public, to saying something inappapropriate to suffering a work injury...

Well, such is my life, I now have a whole host of new FML moments to share with you!

Personally, I think it's pretty impressive that ALL of the things I'm about to tell you about happened to me in the space of 5 days....

1. I Flashed The Neighbour...

Because our new house has a bathroom downstairs, I'm still finding a way around the whole "Getting out of the shower, wearing a towel, and making it upstairs un-noticed" thing...

I'm used to bathrooms being in the normal place. Upstairs, out of the way. Enabling me to get out of the shower wearing a towel, walk through to my bedroom and get dressed.

Now our bathroom is at the back of the kitchen area, so you have to walk through the kitchen AND through the living room to get upstairs - the living room has a window which looks right out onto the road, at perfect roadside level so any pedestrians walking past are practically right inside the house - and they always sodding look in, they do NOT care....

So on this occasion, I had not only forgotten my clothes to change into after my shower...but I had also forgotten to bring a towel with me, and there were none in the bathroom. And Jon couldn't hear me yelling for him to bring one to me....apparently.

So what choice did I have?

I decided I would simply have to make a run for it.

So I did - unfortunately as I was going through the living room, Tyne distracted me.

Jon was playing with him, and he smiled at me and I was momentarily distracted and so I paused....

As I paused, the man from next door walked past the living room window.....and looked in.

Straight at me.....

Of course I shrieked and immediately hopped sideways into the hallway - but yes, I am pretty sure he got a pretty decent eyeful of my naked self standing in the living room.

Not my finest hour.

I ALWAYS remember my towel now....

2. I Wasn't Expecting The Health Visitor...

I have always liked to give the best impression possible when the midwife or health visitor has called.

I have always made sure I am up and alert, dressed immaculately, fresh face of make up, hair washed and styled, baby dressed and happily playing....whenever I am expecting their visit.

So imagine my distress when I opened the door yesterday to what I thought was the postman...only to be greeted by a woman informing me that she was our new health visitor, and had we not received the letter informing me that she would be calling?

No....No we hadn't.

Hence why, at 2 in the afternoon, I was wearing a tatty old nightdress which was far too short and had recently been covered in spilt make up on, hair not even brushed yet let alone washed.

Tyne was also still in sleepsuit - and having just had his lunch, was covered in orange stains - they were even on his eyebrows.

And of course he was playing happily with an empty chocolate digestive packet, as though he didn't own a single toy....

As I reluctantly led her through to the living room, I realised that Tyne's lunch dishes were all over the sofa as I had decided to just feed him there for it was empty bowls and yoghurt pots galore.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Jon was also not expecting her and I was unable to warn him that she was he came out of the shower wearing a towel (At least he remembered his!) and covered in blood from cutting himself shaving!!!

Epic epic fail.

Of course she was perfectly nice and apologetic that we hadn't been expecting her....but I warned Jon to say his Goodbyes to Tyne anyway as I was pretty confident she'd be putting in emergency call to social services right away!!!

3. I Let A Stranger Kiss My Baby On The Lips....

Yes, in the supermarket this week a random stranger took a bit of a shine to us.

She was behind us at the checkout, with her family, and she kept trying to talk to me....she was very over-friendly - kept making jokes and calling me Girlfriend as if we'd known each other for years.

She was behind us as we went to the carpark.

She kept commenting on how gorgeous Tyne is....she commented on him looking just like me and stroked my face.

I should have heard alarm bells then and snatched Tyne away!

But nope - before I know what was happening, she had leaned right in and kissed him right on the lips. 

A perfect stranger - sharing her mouth germs with my baby.

Wrong.....wrong wrong wong!!! 

Who kisses a strangers baby on the lips?!!!!

Of course I came home and sprayed Aquaint sanitising spray directly into his mouth many many times over......over reacting?! Me?! Never!

Have you had any FML moments recently?! As always, I'd love to hear from you!


  1. Haha the flashing story made me laugh!! I am sure I have been seen naked on more than one occasion when we lived at the apartment. x

  2. At least your neighbour won't be nosying into your window again in a hurry!
    This sounds like an episode from my life, I'm glad it's not just me haha :)

    Jess xo

  3. Ohh no! Sorry to laugh but I've been there and flashed to the neighbours Our bathroom is downstairs and at the back of the house too....Quite a run when I need a wee in the
    That woman sounds a loon! Who kisses strangers babies on the lips!! Strange x

  4. Loved your stories. Flashing the neighbour was a gem.

  5. Ha ha! Loved the flashing the neighbour story :)

  6. Oh no that's wrong. I wouldn't even kiss my nephew on the lips or his baby sibling when he/she comes. I am very peculiar about that. If it's your own baby and you want to kiss them on the lips - fine. But otherwise no one else should kiss anyone else's child on the lips. It just NO! I can't deal with that. As you said GERMS! >.<
    How you kept your cool with her after that I don't know. xx

  7. Loved reading this!These were soooo funny to read haha i love these style of posts!xx

  8. That sounded like a crazy lady! I would be the same, bit funny about cold sores and the like Vicky x

  9. omg I would have punched the stranger kissing my child! Had to laugh at your naked moment, oops! Our bathroom is downstairs too, weird! xx

    Quite Frankly She Said - UK Lifestyle Blog

  10. Unexpected visits are the worst!

    Really loved this post x

  11. great post

  12. Laughing out loud reading this - brilliant! Not just me thats not dressed by the afternoon sometimes haha. But how creepy kissing someone else's kid??

  13. A great read thanks for sharing!

  14. You really have made me laugh this morning which was much needed...thanks! (And I didn't know what FML was. I am obviously getting old!)

    Laura Harris

  15. Aww, I couldn't help but laugh! I had a fml moment with the HV when my twins were born - she came round to find them sleeping in the laundry baskets! It was the only place they would bloody sleep!

  16. OMG number 3 is soooo gross, I can't believe anyone could do that! I wouldn't know how to react if that happened to me. Number 2, been there :) xx

  17. lol loved the flashing neighbour story and i too have had an unexpected visit from a health visitor

  18. i do have bathroom downstaits off kitchen so have inadvertently been caught flashing neighbour who happened to look my way at wrong time

  19. Thanks for sharing your stories. Made me laugh.

  20. Hahaha!! You have given me a good laugh - I know ow you feel re the Health Vistor tho - similar story when she arrived we were all in bed, we had been having no sleep for a few nights with our little boy being full of cold so had nipped to bed in the afternoon for a sleep leaving our 8 yr old daughter watching TV when the health visitor arrived she answered the door with "oh mum and dad have been asleep for hours" aarrrgggghhhh!!

  21. If it makes you feel any better, health visitors are greeted by that on a daily basis, she's probably forgotten already. I've been very dazed in the presence of mine and she's always been lovely :)


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