Raising confident kids. A myth or a possibility? While, for some kids, confidence comes naturally and is in abundance. For others, however, confidence isn’t so forthcoming, and they’re naturally more introverted and reserved. And while neither is a good nor a bad thing if your child is struggling due to low confidence at any age, knowing how to help them as a parent cannot only give you added peace of mind but also give them the boost and tools they need to grow and develop and not be hindered due to not feeling like they are quite good enough.
However, it’s important not to confuse low self-confidence with your child being an introvert. Both can exist together but aren’t mutually exclusive and just because they’re introverted doesn’t mean they lack self-confidence or vice versa.
Children who struggle with low self-esteem might have difficulty making friends, be overly emotional and withdrawn, be anxious, or avoid doing things due to fear of failure. Low self-esteem and confidence can manifest in many ways, much like for adults, and it can be extremely challenging for children of any age.
Lead By Example
A great way to help your child boost their confidence is to show them by using confident behaviour and language yourself. Be assertive, take charge and be the example your child can follow when it comes to being a confident person. Show them how you take charge in different situations, how you overcome your anxieties, and what you do when you aren’t feeling as content yourself. For instance, when faced with a challenging situation, instead of showing fear, show determination and a positive attitude. This will give them the guide they need in real-time, real-life experiences to model their own behaviours based on what they see and the example you set.
Don’t Shout, Explain
For children with confidence issues, shouting at them can set them back a few steps. Instead of reacting to indiscretions with anger, simply explain the situation and why you feel the way you do, and give them the chance to explain their actions. By reacting with a calm head and lowered energy, you can uncover the reason behind how they carried out the negative action or behaviour and help them to find better choices they can make or see the error of their ways without making them feel worse about themselves. This is not to say you shouldn’t punish them if required, or they shouldn’t feel the consequences of their actions. However, it’s important to distinguish between punishment and consequences. Punishment is about making the child feel bad for what they did, while consequences are about helping them understand the impact of their actions and learn from them.
Encourage, Don’t Push
You want to encourage your child to do new things and try something different to help them build their confidence, but forcing them to do things they really don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable doing will have the opposite effect.
This is where gentle encouragement comes into play. Talk to them about what to expect, try to be as accurate as possible, and build a picture of things so they know what to expect and learn together as much as possible. The fear of the unknown can often be a significant barrier to getting a child with confidence issues to do anything, whether it’s new or not.
Removing this unknown aspect can give them the boost they need, as can gentle encouragement. For instance, if your child hesitates to join a new club, you can encourage them by saying, ‘I understand you’re nervous, but I believe you can do it. I’ll be here to support you.’ This kind of encouragement can help them feel more confident about trying new things.
Let Them Share
Instead of telling them to fake it till they make it or another useless old saying that doesn’t really work for kids, let them share what they feel is holding them back. It could be something about themselves they want to work on to help them feel more confident; it could be that they don’t feel comfortable in their clothing or mannerisms, or they might not know at all.
Letting them share and opening up the dialogue can be massively beneficial, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Knowing they can come to you for support, not ridicule over their confidence issues at any age, can sometimes be all they need. Especially for younger children who might not understand why they feel this way, this post on social emotional topics for elementary students can be helpful in supporting younger children to be the best versions of themselves.
Allow Failure
Avoid removing negative results from what your child does as much as you can in a bid to boost their confidence. The reality is that failure can be a vital part of learning and shouldn’t be avoided at all costs. No parents want to think of their child failing, and it’s perfectly fine to want to protect them and give them only positive memories. But failing gives your child the chance to rethink things and try again. It’s effective for spurring children on to being better at finding solutions, getting creative and addressing aspects of themselves that might not even exist at a young age. So avoid trying to make everything perfect and let them do those things they might fail at, even if they are upset or worried about failing, because the result of finally getting it right can be a piece of the puzzle they need to build on.
Praise Resilience
Learning to be more confident or navigating the world with low confidence is tough for anyone. And while praise for a job well done has its place, so does praise for their reliance on trying, persevering, and pushing through even when things got tough or they didn’t want to. Tell your child you’re proud of their efforts and what impressed you the most. This positive reinforcement of their efforts, not just the end result, can help them to feel good about how they went about the process, whatever it was and give them the confidence to try again.
Whether it was just walking into a new club and watching from the sidelines if they refused to enter before or progressing from watching it being an active participant, praise their courage for trying and what got them to that place as well as success.
Help Them Find Their Passion
As an adult, have you ever landed with or with a group of people that just felt right, and it was like it was where you always believed you should be? Or did you have this experience as a child?
Finding the right environment for your child to give them what they need in life can be life-changing.
Low self-confidence often comes from a place of fear, and feeling like you don’t fit in can be incredibly isolating. To avoid this, help your child find that place where they belong and fit in and enjoy to be. And before they know this sense of belonging, they feel that finding that one place for them will overspill into other areas of their life. It could be joining a club like an organisation like Brownies or Scouts or a sports team, finding others with the same interests as them. Whatever it is, add it to your to-do list and give your child exactly what they need in life and watch them thrive.